


The Hurt

by lia_fanel



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-15 22:19:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5802295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lia_fanel/pseuds/lia_fanel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A lion without a pride. He thought the marks made him, that the chains would never break. But the sky tore open and he found one and he could be free. Only he didn't know it until the bird came.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Winter Palace

**Author's Note:**

> A take on the game from Cole's perspective. I love the poetry to his dialogue and thoughts and thought I'd tell the story of Cullen & Trevelyan from that view. The focus will mostly be on their interactions with some pieces related to main quests to set the context.
> 
> I'm using Trevelyan somewhat differently in the story too. So the Inquisitor will still be noble but he'll be an original character with a minor role in the story.

The Lion retreats, surrounded by vultures with faces that are not their faces. He would fight but the music still hurts him.

_When will this night be over?_ He tries not to think of it, but he can’t stop.

He doesn't understand the game, has no patience for it. The Lion would rather scatter them with his roar but he can't. He promised to watch and wait. Proud and strong; he must serve, must atone.

The Nightingale passes by, a smile on her lips as she looks at the shoes. She flits through the masses as easily as she wields her bow; plays them like she plucks the strings. Even the Serpent smiles easily, their stares and whispers can’t penetrate the fade that he pulls around himself.

_Did you try dancing Cole?_ Bright smile and bright eyes, he sees when others cannot.

_Dancing is hard. You have to listen with your feet as well as your heart._

_And not poke around in the heads of the other dancers._

_There’s a lot to do all at once._

_Don’t worry about it Kid._ The Stone talks and everyone listens. _You’re doing fine. You know this one time, Hawke went to a party and let me tell you..._

Even the vultures that want the Lion can’t help themselves. They’re not real but he makes them real. So many people reading, dreaming, feeling. Even the spirits want to hear it, they push at the veil until the words shape them.

Then he walks by, the Knight who has the weight of the world in his hand. Everyone waiting and watching what he’ll do. Sea of color swirls as he leads on the dance floor. He knows how to listen and keep it all together.

_His shoelaces listen to him._

_What Kid?_

_My shoelaces keep coming untied. Can you talk to them Varric? They won’t listen to me._

_Don’t talk to them. Just tie them in knots._

They clap but there is still hurt in him. The words are heavy, enough to kill and the Knight has to decide, he thought he had. But the Lion and the Nightingale put other ideas in his head. No, his will is strong and he will not falter.

_Celene lives._

_As you say Inquisitor._

_I’ll take Florianne’s suggestion and investigate the royal wing. Be ready when I return._

_As you wish._

_Varric, Dorian, Cole. Let’s go._

 

\--

 

The daggers go where they must be. Bolts strike, fire rains down, and he leaps through hand outstretched. The pain shoots down his arm but he will bear it, the sword on his back is good practice.

_We need to get back to the ballroom._

The Knight leads, swift as the wind, a force that can’t be stopped; no matter what stands in the way not even the red. He will save her.

_Inquisitor, you’ve returned. The Empress is about to speak._ The Lion promised he’d serve, he’d atone. _What are your orders?_

_It’s time I had a talk with Duchess Florianne. Have your men ready._

Words sharp, deadlier than his blade but instead of killing they save. His voice growing stronger, they have to listen and they do, even more than they listen to the Stone. They are real and they make reality. They heal the hurt too.

_Lovers too proud to say the words but the happiness shines through anyway. Soft touches and gentle glances, together again._

_What in the fade are you talking about Cole?_ Serpents are curious, eager to know.

_Hush. They are returning._

_Good. This night can’t go on any longer._

_But Commander, did you not enjoy yourself?_

_Hah, I’ve never seen Curly enjoy anything._

_The words are not themselves, they’re not real. It sounds like hurt but it means friendship._

The music starts and everyone forgets the hurt. The Serpent and the Nightingale move like grace. But the Lion is cornered again and even the Stone can’t stop them with his words.

_Commander, did no one inform you that you cannot stand there all night without a single dance._

_I…that is..._

_Andraste preserve me. But her eyes are like the sea and a man might be happy to drown in them._

_Cole!_

_I’m sorry but you were very loud._

_Maker’s breath, how could this night get worse._

_Maybe she didn’t hear. There are lots of them looking for her to see them._

_What did I say about using nouns Kid. But really Curly, who knew you could be so poetic._

_That’s it. I’m leaving. We’ve secured Orlais’s support and there’s no need for me to be here any longer._

_Do you really want Ruffles to come after you?_

_I’ll risk the Ambassador’s wrath to leave this place. Good night Varric, Cole._

_The blue pulls him. Maybe a dance wouldn’t be so terrible._

_You did good Kid._

 


	2. Bluebird

Letters, so many letters. The Admiral can't stop writing or reading them. They grow in number like nugs in spring, but they don't make the Nightingale smile like she does for them. The Lion doesn't mind nugs but he doesn't like the letters, they want to make him dance and he hates that. Maybe if it was the blue, then he might not mind; his Bluebird. He doesn't call her that but that's what she is, makes him lighter when he thinks of her, although he stops himself from it. He thinks if he walks faster they'll fall behind, that if he returns to his tower the thoughts will be locked out. Only the Admiral likes to listen to the letters and wants him to dance too.

_No, absolutely not._

_But Commander…_

_No Ambassador. I will be happy to greet them but I will not attend another ball. I have a lot to do, the trebuchets must be calibrated to ensure they reach the proper range._

_It will be alright Lady Josephine._ The Knight saves, always saves. _I'm sure the Bann will understand that a soldier's duty is never complete._

_Thank you Inquisitor. If you'll excuse me._

The Lion escapes. They think he runs from the dancing but only the Seeker knows it’s something else too. The music is fading but the little bottle still calls to him and sometimes he wants to give in.

No, not today.

_Now that has been settled, my scouts report that the Bann and his daughter should arrive tomorrow afternoon with a dozen guards._

_Good, I will have time to see to the final arrangements. It will be no trouble to situate everyone comfortably. How long will they stay?_

_No more than a fortnight. The Bann has business to attend to in Starkhaven._

_We must make a good impression in that time. The Trevelyans are an esteemed family in the Free Marches and it would benefit the Inquisition greatly to gain their support._

_He wants that, that's why he's coming. He hopes she will be bound to him._

_Oh goodness! Cole!_

Stumbling, almost falling, but the Knight helps her.

_Cole, what did I tell you about sneaking up on people?_

_It scares them. A boy that's not a boy. What is it? Get away, get away. But I only want to help Inquisitor._

_I know, but you can't just appear like that. You need to let people see you coming._

_Solas always knows I'm coming, he's not afraid of me._

_Solas studies the fade, he's not like everyone else._

_I am curious as to what you meant...he is gone. Well, the letters you received Josie, did Bann Trevelyan mention why his sudden interest in us?_

_He said he wanted to meet us after what happened in Halamshiral. We have gained much influence in the last few months. Tales of Andraste’s chosen has spread all across Thedas._

_Whatever his reason I will not turn away aid. From what I know, the Trevelyans are well regarded with strong ties to the chantry. Their support can only strengthen our cause._

_Of course Inquisitor._

 

_\--_

 

Horses fly ahead in the sky as the horses below climb the mountain. The Lion can’t look away when he sees her. Shining like the sun setting over the sea, golden and pure. The music is hurting him more today and the Lion wants to hide, afraid she’ll see the chains. But she only smiles and he kisses her hand, delicate and refined. He almost feels better, until he sees her eyes. Just like the sea and he would happily drown in them; Bluebird.

Words tumble, lions should be graceful but his fall like stones, yet the Stone can make his words into anything, even better than a lion. He wants to be away but in his tower he can’t help but look at her.

_It’s her, now you can dance with her._

_Maker’s breath. What are you doing in here Cole?_

_I was waiting for you, to tell you._

_Tell me about what?_

_He wants them to be bound together._

_Who? What are you talking about?_

_Him, that man there, her father. He hopes that her and the Inquisitor will be together._

_Be together? He hopes they’ll marry?_

_Yes. Andraste’s chosen, rising to the Maker’s will. How glorious it would be if His gaze would turn upon this house who have served Him so faithfully._

_Why would you be waiting to tell me? You should inform Lady Montilyet._

_But it would hurt you if you didn’t know. Bluebird, but no right to keep you. Nothing to offer but a rusted cage. But it’s not true. Safe and solid, protecting and proud. You’ll feel like quiet, stronger when she holds you._

_That’s enough Cole. Thank you for coming, I have a lot of work to do._

_I’m sorry. I wanted to help but it’s all tangled and I can’t tug it loose without tearing it._

_It’s...fine Cole._

 

\--

 

The Lion roars loud even though more than the music is hurting him. He thinks of the blue, blue like the sea, like _her_ eyes. Quiet, studious, always a smile for him. So much placed on her shoulders and the things he said to her, if only she knew how he regrets them, wishes he could take them back. Where is she now?

He doesn’t know that Bluebird watches him, wonders about him and the things she’s heard. She hurts too, but squeezed so tight, a tiny ball until it’s not even there. She won’t let it out, no one can know. But she wishes someone could.

_You’re shiny like Dorian._

_Oh...you must be Cole._

_Yes, I’m Cole. And you’re Bluebird. I didn’t mean to startle you._

_Bluebird? I’m Madeleine. What do you mean I’m shiny like Dorian?_

_Your clothes, it’s shiny, it looks like the fade._

_The fade is shiny? That would be interesting to see._

_No, it’s wrong there. Thoughts and ideas twisted and darkened. Nothing is safe until the veil is healed._

It’s not right, not right at all.

_Yes, the breach needs to be closed and this Corypheus must be stopped._

_He’s bad._

_He is...I heard you’re a spirit Cole, one of compassion._

_I am. Solas taught me about myself. I didn’t know what I was before and I hurt people but now I help the hurt._

_I’m glad you’re here then._

_Waiting, wondering, how will it be? Could there be a taste of freedom without a leash? You want to stay and help too._

_I do…_

_I’m sorry, I shouldn’t do that. But I wanted to help._

_I know, it’s alright Cole._

_You’re not afraid of me. That’s good._ Goodness and lightness, Bluebird can bring them. _I don’t want people to be afraid but they can’t help it. They don’t understand, they think I’m a demon._

_But you’re not, and you’re good. Seeker Pentaghast said you told her to cut you down if you become a demon._

_Yes. She said she would. I hope she’s serious._

_As long as you hope that, you’re not a demon._

 

\--

 

Horses move down the mountain pass, returning to their stables leaving Bluebird behind. They wanted her to return too but she would not, so she watches their forms growing smaller until they disappear around the bend. The Lion sees her on the battlements, wants to return to his tower but there are words that need to come out.

_Lady Trevelyan, I wanted to apologize about my intrusion earlier this morning. I did not mean to…_

_There's nothing for you to apologize for Commander. I could not have expected privacy when I chose to have that conversation in a public place._

_Be that as it may, it was wrong of me not to make my presence known immediately. I had no right to listen to a...personal conversation._

Blue eyes shining, Bluebird laughing, sounds like silver bells. _Is that what you would call it? It sounded to me rather more like a yelling match._

_I would not…_

_You're too much of a gentleman Commander. I wonder how you haven't been eaten alive by some of the women in the Inquisition, I'm sure many have tried._

_I...that is…_

_My apologies, I shouldn’t tease._ Says the words but she likes it. _I have no doubt as to your abilities to lead._

_Thank you._

_My father has been trying to marry me off for ten years. It would be much easier for him to send me to the chantry but he promised my mother. I doubt he ever imagined he would try to court the favors of a Ferelden but the Inquisitor has turned many heads. Although I have no interest in such a union despite telling him otherwise._

_You lied to stay here then...I mean no censure._ The words startle and he wants to take them back but it’s too late. Although Bluebird doesn’t mind.

 _I do not take it as such, but yes. I've learned to use my every advantage. My father would not have allowed me to stay if I did not tell him I would express his interest in a union to the Inquisitor. And I could not leave when there was the opportunity to help so many. The chantry lost control of the templars and the mages, now they squabble about a new divine when such a threat as Corypheus remains. The Inquisition is the only thing that can act now. Surely you can understand my desire to be a part of this._ Blue eyes flashing, looks so serious, staring right into the Lion’s heart.

_I can, I mean I do understand it. I was in Kirkwall when the rebellion began, I saw firsthand the devastation it caused. That's why when Seeker Cassandra offered me a position I left the templars._

_And I'm sure everyone is glad you're here. Your men are well trained and although you've left the order, I know the templars that the Inquisitor recruited still respect you._

_We're all here to serve. If I can be of assistance in anyway I would gladly give it._

_You may want to revise that statement Commander, there are those who would take advantage of such a generous offer._ Bluebird grins, looks more like a cat that got the bird.

_What...I…_

_I'm sorry. Terrible habit of mine and it hasn't helped to spend time with Dorian. I'll leave you to your duties._

 

\--

 

Without the horses Bluebird is more than a bird; bigger, wilder, not the delicate thing the Lion believes. He’s still thinking about what she said when he hears her calls and must go to her. Shining, lithe, and standing proud, blades flashing in her hands. She will not quiet until someone answers. The Lion knows he shouldn’t but she wants him to and he can’t decide.

_Commander, I insist you tell your men that they must engage me._

_Lady Trevelyan that would be inappropriate. You are a guest of the Inquisition and I…_

_I am here to offer aid and I can assure you that I am proficient with these blades. All I ask for is a sparring partner. If you cannot tell your men to spar with me, then perhaps you would answer my request._

_My lady, I could not…_

The Lion refuses to play but the Sparrow can’t wait for it.

_I’ll knock miss up there on her arse. All them people on top but they need a taste of the bottom._

_No. I will not allow you to fight Lady Trevelyan._

_Sera right? Let’s see what you’ve got._

_It don’t matter ya. Daggers or arrows it’s all pointy._

The Sparrow reaches for the blades but the Nightingale is quicker.

_No, I shall duel her. Do you have any objections my lady?_

_Sister Leliana, I would be honored. Do you mind Sera?_

_It’s good ya don’t matter anyhow. If you want to play with arrows you come find me then._

_Wait, you..._

The Lion can't stop the birds from taking flight. They're too quick and even dulled blades would hurt.

A crowd gathers and the Stone writes, he's always looking for stories to tell. The Bull rises, horns pointing up, how he wishes to play with the birds. Even the Warden can't ignore the cheers and shouts.

Bluebird dances, blades like wings, never missing a beat. Nightingale smiles, light inside, so free it almost hurts, thinking about when the Maker showed her the way.

_Oh goodness, what in the Maker’s name is going on?_

The Admiral scatters them like waves on ships, but she'll never have ships of her own though she launches them with words.

_Just having a bit of fun Josie._

_Leliana! Lady Trevelyan is…_

_Here to assist the Inquisition. So it's imperative that I do not neglect my training._

_I cannot allow you to be hurt my lady. The Bann…_

_I will deal with my father Lady Josephine. I'm twenty-eight, not a child that needs to be coddled._

_My apologies, I did not mean to offend._

_Thank you for your concern but I've decided to dedicate myself to this cause and I will not give less to it than I am capable._

_I suppose it is a draw then my lady. I hope we shall have a rematch._

_Of course. And Commander, I hope to test your prowess one day as well._

 

\--

  
The fade beckons but the Lion does not hear. Mind filled with Bluebirds crowding out the little bottle. But they're not the same, although he barely remembers _her_ face. Unassuming, quiet hum, a feeling he had forsaken. Anger still below the surface but he tries to put it away. Forceful, thundering yell, something growing within. Untouched and whole, he hopes to feel that way too.


	3. A Game of Chess

Darkness falls but Bluebird can’t close her eyes, thinks about the Horses a week gone by. Some days she questions if she should have stayed, if she can help at all stuck behind stone walls and desks with the Admiral. So she finds herself wandering the grounds, through the garden and down the hall. And through the doorway she finds him kneeling in shadows. Prayers softly spoken filling the quiet. The Lion doesn’t know she watches him, remembers the stories of him from before. He would hide if he knew and she wouldn’t want that.

He’s not as scary as the tales, more sadness than anything, but still good. The Knight, the Seeker, the Stone too, even the Sparrow has good things to say.

_Stick up his arse ya, ser uptight. But he looks after his people, no one’s ever too small so he’s alright. All those men under him, needs a woman over him, cuz positions ya._

Brightness bubbling just below, simmering with Sparrow’s silliness. The Lion would stumble at her words, would want the ground to swallow him whole. But Bluebird laughs inside and outside listens solemnly.

_Maker, though the darkness is upon me, I shall embrace the Light. I shall weather the storm. I shall endure. What You have created, no one can tear asunder._

The words speak for her too, she hears herself in his voice. She will weather the storm, will endure. The little ball squeezed tight, until it’s not there, it can’t be there. She wonders if the Lion has as many secrets, feels he probably does. How many layers of scars are hidden, from Kinloch, from Kirkwall? Yet he does not falter. Proud like a lion, standing tall and solitary. Would that she could do the same.

_Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the Maker be my guide. I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the beyond. For there is no darkness in the Maker’s Light. And nothing that He has wrought..._

_Shall be lost._

The words escape and Bluebird doesn’t realize it. So softly, barely a breath but the Lion hears. Startled, ready to pounce, hand reaching for his sword until he sees the blue in the glow of torches.

_Maker’s breath, Lady Trevelyan. I didn’t hear you enter._

_My apologies Commander. I didn’t think anyone would be here._

_I...that is…_

The Lion struggles to find the words, he doesn’t want her to know the music hurts him, haunts his dreams. That some days he thinks it’ll never be over. But maybe Bluebird can see more than he shows.

_I couldn’t sleep, I thought the chantry might be soothing. I didn’t mean to disturb you._

_No. I mean, you haven’t. Please, stay and...I shall take my leave my lady._

The Lion retreats, wants to escape, sometimes the blue is too much. Louder than the music almost, makes him think of things he shouldn’t. Makes him want to look when he shouldn’t.

 _Cullen._ Gentleness, a word and a touch so soft he thought he dreamt it. There and gone just as suddenly. _Good night Commander._

He shouldn’t but he wants to. Bluebird is more than a bird, more than he expected, more than a jewel on a pedestal; untouchable and cold. She draws friends like moths to a flame, so much goodness, so much lightness. Enough to touch him too, and that scares him more than the music.

 

\--

 

He tries and fails, should stay away but Skyhold couldn’t feel smaller when she’s around and Bluebird always seems to be there when he drills his soldiers and walks the battlements. Doesn’t know but he looks for her, expects to see her. And she speaks to him and teases him, but smiles so bright that he smiles too even while his inside flutters. She’s curious, thinks about his past and how far he’s come, and wonders if the world can change too. So much strength but wrapped in kindness, and amber eyes like the sun. She wants to know the truth about the man inside the Lion.

But there’s so much shame. He doesn’t want her to see the man he had been, so much anger, blind fury lashing out, wanted to hurt everyone that reminded him of those who had hurt him. But so many innocent people died because he couldn’t see past his past and what others were doing. Let the hate snuff out his promise to protect. What would she think of him? He would taint her with his darkness; he’s not worthy.

He doesn’t know Bluebird wonders the same, what would he think of her, if he knew what was inside. Would she dare share her secret? Mother said never to tell, so she doesn’t. Acts like the lady she’s been taught to be, allows only half of herself to be seen. So much hurt inside but she won’t let it be healed. Only showers others with healing, helps the hurt without asking for help. She helps the Lion the most without even knowing it. Thinking about her makes the music softer, the nightmares weaker. He almost wants to tell her but he doesn’t, doesn’t want to scare the bird away.

 

\--

 

_Gloat all you like but I have this one._

_Are you sassing me Commander?_ The Serpent smiles, amusement growing. _I didn’t know you had it in you._

 _Why do I even...Lady Trevelyan!_ The Lion startles, rises to greet her.

_Leaving are you? Does this mean I win?_

_Are you two playing nice?_ She teases and laughs, still sounds like silver bells. He can never speak when she looks at him so intently.

But the Serpent never gets flustered, always smooth and sleek. _I’m always nice._

_By all means don’t stop on my account._

Bluebird speaks and the Lion can’t say no. Would like to delight her and hear her laugh again. _Alright. Your move._

_You need to come to term with my inevitable victory. You’ll feel much better._

_Really? Because I just won and I feel fine._

_Don’t get smug. There’ll be no living with you._ Words that sound sharp but aren’t at all. The Serpent doesn’t mind losing, just wants to continuing playing even though the knows the Lion prefers another. There’s joy in getting under his skin and even more to see him scramble before Bluebird.

 _I should return to my duties as well, unless you would care for a game?_ The Lion doesn’t know what he wants to hear. Alone in the garden feels like too much but he wants to feel more than the music.

_Prepare the board Commander._

He releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Beckons Bluebird to sit but he can’t look at her.

 _As a child I played this with my sister. She’d get this stuck up grin whenever she won, which was all the time. My brother and I practiced together for weeks. The look on her face when I finally beat her...between serving the templars and now this, I haven’t seen them in years. I wonder if she still plays._ The Lion speaks to fill the silence. Too much quiet means he thinks about how her hand touches the pieces, how her hair shines in the light, and the blueness of her eyes. Like another’s but pulls him deeper, stronger than the grips of youth.

_You have siblings?_

_Two sisters and a brother._

_Where are they now?_

_They moved to South Reach after the blight. I do not write to them as often as I should._

_Gareth is from South Reach. Arl Bryland is his uncle by marriage through his late wife. He’s supposed to take his uncle’s place as Arl I hear._

_Yes, Lady Montilyet mentioned something of the sort although I admit I was not paying much attention to information about the Inquisitor’s family._ He blushes to let her know that he has no head for politics, no titles outside the Inquisition. He wonders if it matters to her but can’t find the words to ask, can’t decide why he would care.

_I would have loved to not pay attention if I could. It would have been much more fun to ride horses with my brothers instead but my mother would not allow it._

_You have siblings as well._

_Five older brothers. It was quite a change for them when a girl came along._

_I couldn’t imagine that many. Branson alone would drive me to madness at times. To think if there were four more of him...Andraste preserve me._

Silver bells sound again, an imprint on his mind. _My mother doted on me, finally having the daughter she always wanted, so it was easy to have them wrapped around my little finger._

The Lion stutters, thinks anyone would be happy for it, and the thought embarrasses him. _Um, my move, I believe._

_Alright, let’s see what you’ve got._

It’s silent but not bad. Both focused on the game with no other thoughts flying in their heads. The Lion doesn’t even hear the music and the little bottle is far from his mind.

 _This may be the longest we’ve gone without discussing the Inquisition or related matters. To be honest, I appreciate the distraction._ There’s more he wants to say, but the words still won’t come and he doesn’t think it’s possible.

_I’ve enjoyed it, we should spend more time together._

Thinks he must have misheard but she looks at him with a smile; he doesn’t think it’s possible but he wants to. _I...I would like that._

_Me too. We should finish our game._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how writing from Cole's perspective is going? Let me know if it's too confusing or vague.


	4. The Warden

Hawks can’t stay still for long, swoops in then away again. The Stone can only wait for her to land. The Seeker is still angry about the secret. Had been seeking and the Stone had been lying, never knew the Hawk was so close. But now the Hawk is here to help, fix the wrong she made, freed the darkness when she didn’t know it.

_ Your warden friend is in Crestwood? _

_ Yes. The last message I received said he’s hiding somewhere in the northeast region. I think I know where, so we should go speak with him Inquisitor. _

_ No need for so much formality Hawke, Gareth is fine. Let’s go find your friend then. _

_ I’ll go ahead and meet you there. _

_ Off so soon?  _ The Stone was very patient, had hoped she would take a rest, worries she won’t know when to stop.

_ Don’t worry Varric. I do plan to stay around for a while this time. Until this business with Corypheus is dealt with at least so we’ll have plenty of time for a game of wicked grace. _

_ I’ll hold you to that. _

_ We’ll meet you there then Hawke. Maker guide you. _

_ And you Gareth. I’ll see you Varric. _

The Hawk takes flight again and the Stone can only hope she will return. She usually keeps promises but when the world is ending promises are hard to keep.

_ Well your Inquisitorialness, shall we assemble your crew? _

_ I’m expected in the war room right now. Please tell Cassandra and Madeleine we depart at first light tomorrow. _

_ Just the two? And you’re taking Princess with you? _

_ I assumed you’d come as well but if you don’t want to. _

_ No, no. I’ll come. _

_ And Madeleine has been very insistent in accompanying the party next time we left Skyhold. _

_ Well, can’t say no to a princess. _

_ I can’t wait for when she hears you call her that. _

_ It’s ironic. As an author I call creative license. You better go before you’re late though. You know how Curly feels about punctuality; he’s more uptight about it than Ruffles. _

 

\--

 

The Lion paces and looks out his tower, if the walls could speak they’d be dizzy. Frets about Bluebird and no letters for a week. Without her it feels too quiet, Dorian still teases him but it’s not the same. Not enough lightness and no one to speak to when the nightmares are too much and he sings the chant; Bluebird doesn’t sleep much either. Knows she’s capable, that the Knight would protect her too. But he still worries, more than the Admiral, and prowls endlessly hoping to hear or see her again.

_ Don’t worry, she’ll be back soon. _

_ Maker’s breath, Cole! _

_ I’m sorry, you were hurting not knowing. _

_ Please...try to knock next time. _

_ I’ll try. She’s okay. They found Hawke’s friend and they’re coming back. _

_ How do you know this? _

_ Your hurt reaches across the fade to her. She thinks about you too. Darkness falls and the fade calls, but can’t close my eyes. Wonder if he struggles too. _

_ She...I...When will they return? _

_ Soon. She wants to see you again. _ The words are simple but they make a mess in the Lion’s head. He doesn’t dare hope for much.

_ Thank you Cole. _

_ You’re welcome. I like to help. _

 

\--

 

The sun rises in the sky, chasing away the dark and brings with it Bluebird. The Lion had been waiting since before the stars disappeared and can’t wait to greet her, but he can’t look too eager.

_ Jim, please inform Sister Leliana and Lady Josephine that the Inquisitor has returned. _

_ Yes ser. _

Footsteps come slower, steady and strong. Stands patiently by the gate while the horses are returned to their home. Worn and weary, battered and bruised, but Bluebird still shines bright. The Lion tries to not look too much or else he won’t be able to look away.

_ Inquisitor, you’ve returned. We haven’t had word in more than two weeks, we were worried. _

_ My apologies Commander. The situation with the wardens turned out to be more serious than we thought. We tracked some of them to the Western Approach and...I’ll update everyone in the war room later. _ Shadows grip everyone, the Knight only has bad news to share. How they have fallen.

_ Well your Inquisitorialness, if you don’t mind I have a desert’s worth of sand to wash away. I’ll see you later. Are you coming Hawke? There’s a room ready for you. _

_ I’ll be right there Varric. _

_ Suit yourself. _

The Stone wanders away, returns to his tavern and is happy, so glad the Hawk returned with them and will be staying. She kept her promise, hopefully not just for now.

_ I shall take my leave as well. Inquisitor, Warden, Lady Trevelyan. Good day Commander. _

_ Seeker Cassandra. _

_ Please meet us in the war room this afternoon Cassandra. _

_ I shall be there. _

The Seeker retreats as well, leaving the Hawk and the Lion to face off. It’s a familiar dance that they’ve practiced before.

_ Knight-captain, it’s been a long time. _

_ I’m not a templar anymore. _

_ You still stand like one. _

_ You haven’t changed either. _

_ I forget you were both in Kirkwall. No introductions needed then. This is Hawke’s warden friend, Alistair. And this is the commander of the Inquisition’s army, Cullen. _

_ Cullen is it? You look familiar. Oh, I remember you. You look much less trapped in a magical cage this time. _

_ Yes well…Alistair is it. _

_ You two know each other? _

_ Well, we may have stumbled onto him while trying to get help from the circle during the blight. _

_ The Hero of Ferelden? She was a Ferelden circle mage was she not? Did you know her Commander? _

Bluebird speaks and he can’t hear anything else. But he’s not sure how much he can say to her. How long it has been but sometimes in his nightmares it seems like yesterday and the regret keeps growing.

_ For a short time, before she left to join the Grey Wardens. _

_ I should have realized you knew my cousin. _

_ Your cousin? _

_ You didn’t know Commander? Our grandfathers were brothers. I found some old letters while I was clearing out the Amell estate. She’s terribly hard to get ahold of though, but luckily Isabela knew her. _

_ Isabela, the one who stole from the Qunari? _

_ Well, she was a pirate queen. _

_ Well isn’t that just a coincidence, who knew we have so many friends in common. This is like a family reunion, a very twisted one but still. Some days I do miss traipsing around Ferelden, not the darkspawn or the lack of good cheese or sleeping on the cold hard ground every night, but it was memorable. _

_ It really was. _

_ Leliana! _

The Nightingale appears, footsteps silent. The Prince isn’t use to it, will never get use to it. Doesn’t want to be that either, renounced his claim but he can’t escape it. Noble, charming, forever  _ her _ prince.

_ Hello Alistair, it’s good to see you again. _

_ I forget that you travelled with the Hero of Ferelden during the blight, it must have been quite the experience. _

_ It was Josie. Some days I miss it, not the darkspawn either, but being out in the world and following the path that the Maker set before me. And I met dear friends too. _

_ Where is the Hero of Ferelden now? _

_ Yes, it’s been a long time since I’ve heard from Gwen. _

The word hurts him, sharper than a thousand arrows in his heart. The Prince wishes he could speak her name and hear her speak to him too.

_ She’s on a mission, something important. _

_ Could we contact her? Perhaps the Hero can be of some help to us? _

_ We could try. It’s been a few months since I’ve had a letter but she did mention where she was headed. Maker, it would be good to hear from her again. _

_ What do you think Inquisitor? I can have my scouts track her down. _

_ Yes, she may have some more information about Corypheus and what’s happening with the wardens. _

_ Maker’s breath! Lady Trevelyan. _

The Admiral’s yell beckons all to Bluebird and the Lion sees the reason for her concern as well.

_ My lady, you’re injured. _

_ I was injured but now it is no more than a hole in my armor. _

_ Inquisitor, this is the reason I was against you taking Lady Trevelyan away from Skyhold. She’s hurt and you do not even write to inform us. _

_ Lady Josephine, I am fine. You forget that Amelia, that Hawke is a mage. She is proficient at healing and we had poultices. I cannot be of use to the Inquisition if all I’m allowed to do is sit around. _

_ The Ambassador makes a good point… _

_ Please do not start as well Commander. I assure you I have already been lectured plenty by Gareth and Cassandra, and shall make no future attempts to save his life. Now please, I shall follow Varric’s example and go wash off many weeks of dirt. _

Bluebird takes flight and the Lion can only watch her go. He wanted to speak to her more, to know that she was well but he lost his chance. He can only hope that he will find her like he used to.

_ I should return to my duties as well. We can debrief in the war room later. _

_ It is good to see you again. You look much better this time. _

_ Yes, thank you warden Alistair.  _ The Lion moves to retreat as well but he can’t just yet.  _ And please tell Gwen that too.  _ He whispers softly, doesn’t dare for others to hear his shame, her name heavy on his tongue. _ I was ungrateful before and I’m sorry. _

_ She understands. I will tell her though. _

_ Thank you. _

The Lion walks away, feels lighter. Finally found a chance to say the words even though they weren’t to her but she will hear and he can atone another step.

_ I should probably bathe as well. My socks are probably so filthy that even Barkspawn wouldn’t touch it and that’s saying something. _

_ Barkspawn? What is that warden Alistair? _

_ Josephine right? He’s a mabari, Gwen rescued him at Ostagar. Where did he get off to now? _

_ Oh, he’s here? He didn’t go with Gwen? _

_ I wanted her to take him but she wouldn’t. He’s not as young as he used to be and she said it might be too dangerous. _

_ What exactly is she doing Alistair? Is she really in danger? _

_ Not more than she was when facing down an archdemon I hope. _

The Prince always jokes to hide his fears, tries to forget his weaknesses in a veil of jocularity.

_ Alistair. _ But the Nightingale knows and won’t let him get away.

_ She’s searching for a cure, for the calling. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to add in some interaction between Alistair and Leliana, and I'll be doing that a bit with some other characters as well. I always found it weird that they don't show this in the game when these people spent a year travelling together and went through so much with each other. I'm mostly referencing the companion banters to try and grasp how their relationships may be. Hopefully I'll do an okay job of it.
> 
> Also, I couldn't leave Dog out. But in this Alistair managed to be one to name him.
> 
> And also, hopefully I'm not screwing up the traveling times too much. I have no idea how far apart the places are so that's a lot of guessing.


	5. Perseverance

Voices rising, crowds at each other like markers on the map and there’s not enough space, not enough to be heard or even to move. Somehow twice the people makes the room feel four times as small. But all the voices agree that they must be stopped; the darkness cannot gather his army lest the world be ended.

_I can’t believe the wardens are doing something like that._

_You’re telling me. If Duncan knew…_ The hurt still lingers in the Prince’s mind, but it’s been too long to keep wishing it had been different. He knows he may not have lasted so long anyway.

_Luckily we already had some people in the area. Before we left the Western Approach I asked Harding to scout Adamant and send us news._

_Good, she is one of our best. In the meantime I’ll send some people to find Gwen, hopefully her plans did not change much from what she told Alistair._

_Do we have any idea how many wardens could be there?_ The Seeker silently standing, speaks now as the voices grow softer.

_That’s hard to say._

_But you must have some idea. You were part of the Orlesian wardens were you not?_

_The wardens are never together all at once so I’ve only ever seen a couple dozen of them at a time. But if Clarel has been calling them back...there may be almost a thousand, probably more._

_That is a sizable force._

_Alright. We need to make some plans. I have no doubt that our soldiers are well trained to handle the wardens but how will we get into the fortress?_

_Fortunately for us, it was built before the time of modern siege equipment. A good trebuchet will do major damage to those ancient walls._

_I may know someone who could provide us with more of them. I shall write to her. And there may be information on the construction of the fortress in the royal library that we can utilize._

_Good. Please see what you can obtain Ambassador. We’ll wait to hear from Harding then decide our move._

Voices in unison, they agree what must be done and everyone will do their part. The Lion is the last to remain and he follows Bluebird unsure what to say.

_Are you sure you’re alright my lady? That hole in your armor…_

_Yes, first time I fought a rage demon. They burn quite hot._

_That…_

_I’m fine Commander...but if you don’t believe me you can check yourself._ Laughter in her voice, knows it’ll make him blush and she can’t resist how he looks when he’s like that. Such a man in front of his troops but almost a boy before her.

_I...no. I mean, I will trust your word on the matter._

_I’m really fine Cullen. I promise to be more careful in the future._

One word, one he should be used to hearing, but coming from her lips it sounds like more and he likes it. Smiles to himself inside but unsure if he can show her too. But then she smiles at him and he can’t stop himself either.

_Please take care of yourself my lady._

_Madeleine._

_I…_

_I would consider us friends, do you not?_

_Yes. I mean, I do, I am honored to be your friend._

_Then you can at least call me by name. That’s allowed between friends._

_Ah, yes. I suppose that is._

_Good. I should let you return to your duties but I hope we’ll have time to speak again._

_I would like that._

_Good day Cullen._

_And you...Madeleine._ Almost a whisper, the word sweet on his tongue, doesn’t dare to let it escape now. He wants to hold onto it longer, almost like holding onto her.

 

\--

 

They tried but could not find the time. There’s always so much to do when the world is falling apart and those who are suppose to protect are summoning demons. So many sleeplessness nights yet Bluebird dared not disturb the Lion even as she watched the light from his tower flicker until dawn. But he needed to rest, without it the song gets stronger and the little bottle calls louder. So loud that he can’t hear anything else. If only she knew, she would help him, but he doesn’t want the hurt to show. She can’t see that he’s chained and broken.

_Inquisitor, Lady Trevelyan. Commander Cullen is not here._

_Where is he then?_

_He’s gone to speak with Seeker Cassandra._

_Thank you._

_Let’s bring him the plans that Josephine acquired. We will be able to plan our attack more efficiently._

_Have we had word from scout Harding?_

_There was a short note this morning. It seems that Erimond wasn’t lying about it being a test there. Harding has seen demons roaming the walls of the fortress. It was impossible to tell how many warden are within though._

_I hope it won’t be too late to save at least some of them. I can’t believe the wardens would all agree to something like that._

_Well...what was that?_

Voices ring out and they don’t mean to listen, but they couldn’t not hear it.

_You asked for my opinion and I’ve given it. Why would you expect it to change?_

_I expect you to keep your word. It’s relentless, I can’t…_ Tired, hollow, the Lion wants to give in, believes he can’t endure.

_You give yourself too little credit._

_If I’m unable to fulfill what vows I kept, then nothing good has come of this. Would you rather save face than admit…_

They don’t mean to intrude but he needs help and they want to help.

 _Forgive me._ The Lion speaks to the Knight but gazes at Bluebird, but he can’t meet her eyes. Can only run back to his tower and hide.

_And people say I’m stubborn. This is ridiculous._

_What’s going on?_

_Cullen is no longer taking lyrium._

_He stopped? I suspected but…he never mentioned it._

_When I recruited him to the Inquisition, it’s been months now._

_He told me this before, I thought he was doing well._

_Cullen has asked that I recommend a replacement for him._

_He did?_

_Yes, but I refused. It’s not necessary. Besides, it would destroy him. He’s come so far._

_Is there anything we can do to change his mind?_

_If anyone can, it would be you._ The words come and Bluebird finds them coming at her.

_Me?_

_Yes, talk to him. You are familiar with templars, you can understand what he is going through._

_What about Gareth?_

_No, I agree with Cassandra. He’s more willing to speak to you than anyone._

_Talk to him. Mages have made their suffering know, but templars never have. They are bound to the Order, mind and soul, with someone always holding their lyrium leash. Cullen has a chance to break that leash, to prove to himself, and anyone who would follow suit, that it’s possible. He can do this. I knew that when we met in Kirkwall._

 

\--

 

The little bottle beckons, wants him to take the blue. The song would sing loudly and he would stop hurting; it would help him forget. But the Lion can’t forget what he did when his veins were filled with it, tried to forget the pain, tried to forget Kinloch. How the blue blinded him, made him see monsters everywhere, and then innocent people died. So much blood on his hands even if he didn’t swing the sword. How can the blue ever wash that away? It can’t. He doesn’t deserve it.

The little bottle flies, hits and shatters into a hundred pieces. Almost hits Bluebird too.

_Maker’s breath! I didn’t hear you enter._

_I’m sure it deserved that._ Bluebird flutters lightly, tries to make him smile but really knows she can’t right now.

_Forgive me._

Softness, eyes kind. Reaches for him and hopes he won’t run. _Cullen, if you need to talk._

 _You don’t have to…_ The song hurts and he can barely stand, but he mustn’t give in, not yet. _I never meant for this to interfer._

_Are you going to be alright?_

_Yes…_ He wants to believe it, wants that to be true but he feels too weak for it. _I don’t know._

Fists clenching, such tension radiating. A caged lion that can’t stop prowling.

_You can talk to me._

_I can’t. How can...Ferelden’s circle fell. The things that happened, what I saw. How can you be the same person after that? Still, I wanted to serve so they sent me to Kirkwall. I trusted my Knight-Commander and for what? Her fear of mages ended in madness, the circle was destroyed...innocent people were slaughtered in the streets and I did nothing to prevent it. Can’t you see why I want nothing to do with that life anymore?_

_Of course I can, I…_

_Don’t. You should be questioning what I’ve done. The man I am. I thought this would be better, that I would regain some control over my life. But these thoughts won’t leave me. How many lives depend on our success? I swore myself to this cause. I will not give less to the Inquisition than I did the Chantry! I should be taking it._ So much anger bubbling below, until it can’t be contained and the bookshelf feels it’s wrath. Wood splinters, the shock snakes up his fist and he barely feels it. _I should be taking it…_

 _This doesn’t have to be about the Inquisition._ One step closer and the Lion doesn’t flinch. So closer still until their hands meet. _Is this what you want?_

_No. But these memories...if they become worse, if I cannot endure this…_

_You can. I believe in you._ Voice so soft that he has to be calm as Bluebird reaches for his glove. Inside, the bruise already blooms and the red stains his knuckle. A touch, so gentle it’s almost not there but he still feels it intensely, and she wraps her handkerchief around his hand. _You’re strong. Whatever happened before, you’re here now. Everyone has things that they regret but that doesn’t mean they can’t change. I know you’ve come here to atone and you’re doing it, don’t doubt that._

Bluebird looks at him and the Lion is drowning, the air feels thinner, and he can’t help but reach for her. Fingers graze against her cheek, so soft and warm that he wants to sink into the sensation and never leave. He wants to but he doesn’t dare yet.

_Thank you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first of all, I'm totally guessing at the number of Orlesian wardens. If anyone has a better idea of how many there are, please let me know.
> 
> Secondly, Cullen's not sharing as much about what happened at Kinloch just yet. He'll reveal more of it later on and I'll try to piece together the times he does talk about it to explain what he might have experienced.
> 
> And last, the relationship is kind of progressing. Very slow burn so we'll see how far along they get by the time the story is done. But I kind of like the sweetness of the innocent things.


	6. Drowning in Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but I thought it was better to end it where I did than to continue on into a more action-filled part.

_Lady Seryl of Jader was pleased to lend the Inquisition her sappers. They’ve already delivered the trebuchets._

_We also had word from Gwen this morning, unfortunately she doesn’t have much information to give us but she’s away from Corypheus’s reach. She said she will send word if she finds anything of use. Here, she also sent this letter for you Alistair._

_For me?_ Voice full of longing and he cradles the paper with such care, how he wishes to see her again. All those nights spent sleeping on cold hard grounds were nothing with her by his side. He would fight another archdemon to be with her.

_Okay, we should be ready to move soon. Commander, brief your men and ensure we’re well supplied for the mission. Sister Leliana, keep us updated of any news. I’ll inform Blackwall, Varric, and Solas that we leave at first light._

_I’m going as well._

_But Lady Trevelyan…_

_I am going Ambassador. I refuse to sit here while everyone else is fighting to save the world._ Bluebird speaks to the Admiral but looks at the Lion. Hopes he won’t object; she can’t stay, especially not when he’ll be fighting, risking his life.

_No needless risks. Everyone must be careful._

_Of course._

\--

Snow falls, shimmers in the torch light like falling stars. Reminds Bluebird of her mother’s jewels when she danced across the ballroom floor. Would she have been proud of where she is now? Breaths escape in puffs of white as she walks through the garden. Silent and still, only the air knows she’s there as they twirl around her form. Would he be awake too; chased by regrets and tormented by memories.

Light shines from the chantry, a lone voice whispers within the walls. The Lion kneels as she thought he would, head bowed in prayer. She slips through the doors, stealth and sleek and waits for him to finish the verse.

_You’re awake._

_As are you._ The Lion rises, glances her way. _There’s still a lot to do._

A step closer and once more, until she sees his eyes and feels his radiating heat. _You’ve done everything you can. I know you’ve gone over your plans again and again, and there’s nothing you’ve missed._

_Still, I can’t risk that there’s something else I can prepare._

_You need to rest Cullen._ Fingers cool against his lips, silences the protest she knows is there before it comes. _Not later, now. Your men count on you and you need to be at your best. You can’t do that when you’ve barely slept, and we leave in the morning._

It wasn’t meant to entice but her touch makes him shake inside, makes him ache. Too close, makes him think it’s not impossible. But the thoughts are slower, it’s not even really in his head before her touch is gone.

 _Come on._ Bluebird is stronger than she looks. Can lead the Lion where she pleases and she leads him to his tower, climbs the steps with ease, nothing weighing her down. Across the battlements and through the door, she keeps hold of him, doesn’t let him escape.

_Go on, up the ladder._

_You don’t have to…_

_Hush, just go._ Another push and he gives in, and she follows behind.

_Um, thank you. I…_

_Stop talking Cullen._

Silenced again as her fingers dance across his body. Nimble and deft in the moonlight as she finds all the places that hold his armor on and sets the pieces in their stand.

 _You...you’re very good at that._ The words tumble, not graceful or refined. Makes his skin burn when he hears how they sound.

Smile in her voice as she meets his eyes. _I’ve had lots of practice._ Makes him stumble and lose his head.

 _Oh._ The blush races across his body, thoughts in his head that he shouldn’t think.

But she only laughs, silver bells ringing and fills his ears, shows him mercy. _Three of my brothers are templars. They would show off to one another with how skilled they are with their sword work or how quickly they could don their armor, and I wasn’t about to be outdone. I begged my mother for a sword master and would sneak into the armory to practice with their armor all night. The fighting took years to learn but the armor I learned in weeks. I got horrible dark circles under my eyes for it but it was worth the look on their faces when I beat them at their game._

_I see._

Stripped of his armor the Lion feels naked, like a bird without feathers. He wishes she would leave but doesn’t want Bluebird to go yet. Her voice drowns out the song and he wants to feel her touch again. But he jumps when her fingers brush the hem of his shirt and his face burns again.

_Ah, that…_

_Nothing I haven’t seen before…_ Barely a breath but he hears anyway and it makes the heat grow hotter. _I’ll turn around. Undress and get in bed._

He can’t argue when she commands him, the cold sheets might help too.

_You really don’t have to stay._

_I’ll go when I know you’ll rest._ Bluebird closes in, sits so close he can feel her. _Close your eyes._ Fingers cool against his temple, makes his lips tingle, and he can only watch her. _Does this help with the headache?_

_Oh...yes. It’s really nice. How did you know?_

_Ostwick is an amiable circle but I’ve seen templars who were denied their philters there._

_I see._

_My mother used to get terrible headaches. She would stay in her room with the drapes closed for days. I would bring her tea and brush her hair, and she said this helps._

_Did she get better?_

_She died._

_I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…_

_It’s fine. I was seventeen, it was a long time ago._

_My parents died during the blight._ He doesn’t know why but he wants to tell her, knows she would understand the hollowness. _I never knew until my sister Mia wrote me in Kirkwall and by then it had been two years._

_Why did it take so long for her to write?_

_I...wasn’t myself after Kinloch. I never told them where I was going, not even that I was still alive. Somehow she managed to find me but it took time._

_I’m glad your siblings were safe._

_I am too. I haven’t been the best brother in many years but I hope that once this is over...I’m not sure really, but I hope to see them._

_I’m sure they would be glad to see you again._

_What...happened to your mother?_ Questions so softly, hopes she would share with him. It would be an honor to hold her pain.

_She was sick for a long time, longer than I realized but I think it started when I was an infant. The headaches were because of her illness and she would experience dizzy spells. There were probably a lot of other things I didn’t see. My father brought in healers from everywhere but no one could help her. She got a bad fever that winter and couldn’t eat or drink for weeks. Eventually the pain was so bad that she begged my father to just let her sleep...and he did._

No tears or shuddering breaths but the Lion feels sad for her. Grips her hand and strokes her palm, wishes he could heal her heart. And no words are said but she smiles and continues to tend to him. Touches so gentle and calming that he doesn’t even realize closing his eyes. Only when Bluebird rises does he wake to call for her.

_Madeleine, wait._

_What’s wrong?_

_I…_ He calls for her but doesn’t know what to say, can’t explain what he wishes for.

_Yes?_

Drowning in blue and he keeps sinking deeper, but he wants to. Her cheek warm and soft against his palm, and he needs to feel more, is consumed by it. So pulled in by her, that he pulls her closer still until his vision is full of her and he can only feel her lips on his. Sweetness and goodness, almost makes him feel whole again, what he wouldn’t give to have this forever because it can’t ever be enough.

But he needs breath too; breaks the moment and he realizes his foolishness. _I’m sorry…_

 _Sleep, Cullen._ A kiss across his cheek and she disappears.

And the Lion is left with only his thoughts of her, but it’s enough to quiet the song and the nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And! There's a kiss. I was told to definitely include a kiss, so hopefully it worked out. I'm trying to build the feels for what's to come.


	7. To Adamant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So mostly a filler type chapter. Not much progression in the story but an opportunity to explore some of the characters more. Plus some cuteness.

Light reaching, just above the horizon, turns the night into strips of gray. Troops gather, ready to march as the Lion leads them proudly. Still thinking about Bluebird and his dreams of her, hopes she’ll still smile at him. Waiting, wondering when she’ll appear, if he’ll have a chance, and he can only wait and wonder.

The Iron Lady watches the gathering, saunters from her balcony to inspect the warriors. _ This is the help that we have received, a single Grey Warden? _

_ Woof! _

_ And a dog...what exactly do you expect they’ll be able to do Inquisitor? _

_ Ah, you must be Lady Vivienne, I’ve heard about you. Yes, I am here to save the day with my witty remarks and charming personality! _

_ Woof woof. _

_ Well, I hear that you survived the blight so I suppose you can’t be completely useless. _

_ That could almost be a compliment. How generous of you. Nicest thing a mage has said to us in a while. Well, there was that letter from Gwen.  _ Memories seeping, touches his pocket where the letter sits close to his heart.  _ How I miss that woman. _

_ Nnnnn...nnnn…  _ No words to say it but so much hurt and emptiness inside. The Champion would run to her but she said stay.

_ I know you miss her too boy. We’ll be with her again. _

_ Hm, yes, very touching. Just stay away, you both need to bathe. _

_ But then we won’t be able to drive away our enemies with our smell! _

_ Yes, I suppose someone like you may need to resort to that kind of tactic. Just do your part and ensure the Inquisitor and Lady Trevelyan return safely. They’re one of the few with proper manners here. _

_ How kind of you Vivienne.  _ The Knight is all politeness but would sigh if he could.  _ Do take care while we’re away. _

_ You too darling. I hope the wardens aren’t a complete loss, we may need to keep them around for future uses. _

Smiles and nods to walk away quietly, never anger the Iron Lady.

_ Well, she’s certainly something. Actually I would love to see her and Morrigan together. _

_ Did you speak with her? You travelled together before. _

_ We did. Not the most fun part of the journey, aside from the darkspawn. But motherhood has made her kinder; although her nose still looks like her mother’s. She was not very happy to hear that bit of news. _

_ Kieran is a nice young man. Peculiar perhaps, but very thoughtful. _

_ Yes...he’s...a good kid.  _ Sadness when the Prince speaks, memories of trying and failing, what finally sent her on her path. Why did it have to be her? Old magic and an old god, bitterness still inside sometimes. But he had wanted them to live.

_ There’s Madeleine and Solas, we should set out.  _ The sky brightening, the day beckoning. Must start on their journey, mustn’t lose more time.

_ Alright. Are you ready boy? _

_ Woof. _

_ Stay out of trouble. Gwen’s expecting both of us. _

_ Woof woof.  _ Joy at the thought, can still remember the smell of her hair, like elfroot and sunshine and old books. And laughter and love, her arms around his neck holding him tightly and saying good boy.

 

\--

 

Footsteps slow, ready for rest before another day. Bodies wary but spirits holding, the Lion and the Knight does a good job of keeping everyone bright.

_ So, Blackwall is it? I’ve heard the name before, Duncan said good things about you, but you feel...never mind. Must be my mind playing tricks on me again. _

_ Woof. _

_ Duncan, yes, very good man, great warden. It’s a shame what happened at Ostagar. _

_ Yes, a shame. _

_ Woof. _

_ This is Barkspawn I hear. Lady Trevelyan mentioned him. _

_ Woof woof. _

_ He’s a sucker for pretty ladies. Very fond of her. _

_ Nn? _

_ Of course, I know Gwen is your favorite. _

_ Woof, woof woof. _

_ Yes, mine too. _

_ Smart dogs, Mabari. Not like the dogs they have in Orlais. _

_ Oh yes, I’ve seen those. Tiny, noisy things that are carried around by women in puffy dresses. _

_ Woof. Woof grrr. _

_ I remember that. We found one stuck in an old log once, he tried to help it and the little thing bit his nose. _

_ It did? Poor boy.  _ Bluebird appears and smiles so sweet. Blue eyes that remind of her, but smells like dawn lotus and snow and oranges.

_ Nnnnn.  _ Nudges her hand and she knows just where to scratch. Tiny tail so happy, can almost pretend it’s her.

_ You’ll turn him traitor if you keep that up. I think he already loves you more than me. See if I feed you anymore treats. _

_ I don’t think that’s possible Alistair. I know he adores you, even with your bad jokes. _

_ Hey, I’m a great joke teller. Gwen would agree with that.  _ Thinking of her makes him hurt but happy too. So many memories of her laughter and the way she looks at him.

_ I saw her once, a long time ago. _

_ You did? _

_ During the blight, in Denerim. I thought she was amazing. There was this person, not much older than I, but out in the world saving us from the darkspawn. Doing something that I could never do. _

_ She is pretty amazing. But you’re here now, helping to save the world. _

_ Not quite the same but I’m glad to be here. _

_ You’ve done no small part in this my lady. Everyone who has been willing to fight with the Inquisition has contributed greatly. _

_ Thank you Blackwall. That’s very kind. _

_ It’s the truth. I do still need to tend to my horse though, so please excuse me. _

The Warden bows, heads for the edge of the tents to see his friend. He likes horses, they work hard and don’t ask questions.

_ Hmm. _

_ Is something wrong? _

_ No. Just, from Duncan’s stories I always imagined Blackwall to be taller. Maybe I just thought that it would be more heroic that way. _

Bluebird grins, still giving scratches.  _ So a prerequisite for being a hero is to be tall? If I remember, Gwen isn’t very tall, she only reaches your chin. _

_ She’s a bit shorter than you I suppose, but she’s the perfect height. Besides, rules don’t apply to her; she’s special like that. _ Swells with love, so proud of everything about her. Sometimes still thinks he’s dreaming that she’s his.

_ Woof.  _ And the Champion agrees.

The Lion watches, heat in his belly to see her laugh with the Prince. He shouldn’t feel it but wants her joy to himself. So lost in the thought that he doesn’t see her coming until she’s looking up at him and he can’t speak.

_ Hello Cullen. Are you feeling better? _

_ Yes. Thank you, the tea you brought helps. _

_ Good. _

_ Umm…  _ Can’t find the words to explain that night, ashamed but wants to do it again.  _ I wondered if... _

_ If? _

Gestures as he always does and she knows he’s nervous, wonders if his neck is raw.  _ I’m not very good at this. _

_ Do you have some time to walk with me? _

_ Um, yes. _

They walk in silence to hide in shadows, protected by the grove and the reeds. And the sun sets before them, looks like his eyes in the light.

_ Is there something on your mind? _ Bluebird is braver, can speak when the Lion stutters.

_ The...the other night...I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… _

_ There’s nothing for you to apologize for. _

_ But there is... _

_ Do you regret it? _

_ No. Yes. I mean...Maker’s breath. _

_ What’s wrong? _

_ I...you were being kind to me and I shouldn’t have taken advantage of that kindness but I...it was um...really nice.  _ His words keep burning, making him red. Why do they do that when he’s with her?

But her words never falter, always ready to tease.  _ Maybe I was only being nice to take advantage of you. _

Surprises him to hear a laugh but it wants to come out, being near her makes him bright too. And she likes the sound, can tell in her eyes and then the words want to be playful too. _ Well, you did a poor job of it then. _

Only the quiet can’t last, not when the world is falling apart. How he would like for the moment to go on. How she would like it too.

_ Commander. _

_ What? _

_ There’s a report from Sister Leliana and the Inquisitor wishes to speak with you. _

_ Duty calls.  _ Bluebird reaches, just a brush against his arm, but it’s enough to warm him.  _ I’ll speak with you later. _

 

\--

 

So close now, just in the distance under the stars, with only forward to go. Could they stop it? Could they save them? No answers for the Knight, no guidance from Andraste. Can only believe he was chosen for this, that he can lead them and bring them home again. The Lion frets too, always worries he’s not doing enough. But the Stone doesn’t let anyone down, always ready to calm with his words.

_ What do you say to a game of Wicked Grace, Curly? _

_ You’re joking. _

_ What else do you have to do? The trebuchets can’t be checked any more than they have been. Your troops are resting, and everyone else is up for it. Well, not Solas; he’s off doing whatever he does. But even Princess wants to try. _

_ He won’t play Varric. Has a stick up his arse like Sera says.  _ The Hawk likes to poke the Lion, thinks she can make him show his claws.

But he knows her game and won’t play.  _ If you think that will make me change my mind… _

_ Are you joining us Cullen? _

Although Bluebird is different; would do anything to please her.  _ I… _

_ I’ve never played before, maybe you could help me? _

_ I’m afraid I wouldn’t be much help. _

_ Then we can try our luck together. _

_ If you wish... _

_ Hah.  _ The Hawk thinks she’s quiet but hawks don’t know how, just looks at the Stone full of secrets but he knows anyway.

 

\--

 

_ I can’t believe I lost my boots.  _ Quiet all around, no one else to bother them, but the ground is cold.

_ I can’t believe I did too, and my socks. _

_ Are your feet alright? If you need help back to your tent… _

_ Thank you. If you would just walk with me. _

_ Of course. _

Smiles bright and holds his arm. Her hand warm, burns through his cloak, but it’s nice.

_ I don’t think Barkspawn would really keep our boots. Would he? Alistair lost his shirt too.  _ Tip-toes, almost not stepping, lifting her feet high. At least grass keeps the dirt away.

_ I did not expect him to be the best player. _

_ I don’t think anyone did, I’ve heard Mabari are smart but I never imagined this, although Alistair wasn’t very surprised. I imagine they’ve shared a lot of unbelievable experiences. He’s definitely special. _

The Lion agrees but it’s not what he thinks of, the night ends so quickly. He doesn’t want to let go yet but he must.  _ You should rest. We march before first light. _

_ You need to rest too.  _ Bluebird grips his hand tight, feels his worries bubbling below. _ I’m sure we’ll be successful tomorrow. _

_ I hope, I… _

_ Don’t doubt yourself. You’ve done a great job training the soldiers and Gareth won’t let anyone down. _

_ Thank you.  _ Barely there, but a smile still, and she wants to see more of it.

_ Good night, Cullen.  _ Rises to meet him, just a brush against his lips, but enough to sent the feeling to their toes and suddenly they’re not cold anymore.

Yet gone so quickly, disappears into her tent before he can think about it. So he can only speak to the air.  _ Good night. _


	8. Adamant Fortress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but I wanted to tell the second part separately. And I'm not the best with action scenes so hopefully this was okay.

Shouts and screams as the gate groans. Boulders falling from the sky and some have to give their lives. Another push forward and the door gives in with a shower of splinters. The Knight dashes through the rubble, charges first into the fray and cuts down the enemy with his sword.

_Pull back, they’re through!_

Panic ripples, grips their minds. Men falter but demons feed on fear.

_Alright Inquisitor. You have your way in. Best make use of it. We’ll keep the main host of the demons occupied for as long as we can._

_I’ll be fine. Just keep everyone else safe._

_We’ll do what we have to Inquisitor. Warden Alistair will guard your back. Hawke is with our soldiers on the battlements. She’s assisting them until you arrive._ A shuffle and a scream, and they watch one of their own fall. _There’s too much resistance on the walls. Our men on the ladders can’t get a foothold. We need to clear out the enemies on the battlements if we’re to cover your advance._

_I can help._

_Cole! What are you doing here?_

_I followed. They need help. They don’t realize it’s all been lies, that the promise is nothing but I can make them see. I’ll make them forget the fear and they’ll realize this is wrong._

_Alright, everyone with me. Let’s clear the battlements._

Up and around, and more still, going where the blades need to be. Flames and ashes, arrows and bolts, keeps coming and keep dodging. Bluebird is quick like the wind, like the Lion has never seen before. Not the soft, bright bird he knows but sharp and focused, practiced and practical, more deadly than the play fights he’s seen, she knows where to point her blades to shower red from the enemy. And taking points and points taken, but Solas and the Hawk erases them all until everything stops.

_Okay, we should have this area secured. Cole, Madeleine, go back to Cullen and help him. We can’t have anyone flanking us. We’ll head to Clarel and stop this madness._

_Are you sure you’ll be alright?_

_Worrying, wondering, will she be alright? Would feel much better if I could see her myself._

_We’ll be fine Princess, beside I think someone’s getting sick with worry._

_Who knew the Knight-Captain had a soft spot?_

_Go on, it’s fine._

_Woof._

_Alright, Maker be with you. Let’s go Cole._

 

\--

 

More than they thought and the demons keep coming. How many have they summoned? So much darkness all around, it must be stopped. The Lion pulls on the blue, uses what he has left even though it makes him shake, need to stop the magic if he can. Sometimes he thinks he shouldn’t have stopped, needs to offer more, but how can he live that life anymore?

_To the right, don’t let them through!_

_Yes ser._ Feet scramble, ready to stop another flood of foe, ready to give their lives but he hopes they won’t have to.

 _Are you alright, Madeleine?_ Shield up and sword ready, speaks to Bluebird but dare not look away from the battlefield.

Breaths rushing but body steady, tired and aching but still has power to draw on and won’t give in. _I’ll be a lot better when the wardens come to their senses but if not these blades are still sharp. Are you alright?_

_I’m fine, templars have excellent stamina._

_Hm, that’s what Alistair said to Sera but I think that was in reference to something else._

Stumbling and stuttering, heat grows from within. _I...that’s…_

_He’s embarrassed but wants to smile too, but he thinks he shouldn’t._

_Cole!_

_I’m sorry._

_It’s okay Cole. Are you doing alright?_

_Yes. The old songs can pull me and they’re loud here._

Lightness and brightness, even now she brings them so that the fight doesn’t feel so endless and their path so hopeless. Lifts up the Lion so he can lift up his soldiers, and they all fight so the Knight can be triumphant. But still, the shadows are great and they hear the sound too late. The dragon swoops past and red lyrium bolts rain down. No time to defend, and Solas and the Hawk too far away to help. No time to evade the waves of demons swarming in either.

_Andraste preserve us._


	9. Madeleine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of May 7, 2016 this chapter has been edited. Added a couple lines of dialogue but no major changes.

No time to think, do this or die. She wants to hide but wants him to live more. So reaches within, pushes out what she knows, forever familiar. And he expects pain, the red lyrium burn, but nothing comes even the sounds are gone. Smoke clears and they are safe. Shimmering, invisible, but protecting from above, the barrier holds strong and true. And Bluebird is more than a bird, reborn in a storm of lightning and ice that strike down the demons. Her blades transformed, weapon held high, so filled with the fade that the air shivers all around her and it sings gloriously.

 _You’re a mage!_ The Lion, frozen to the ground. Looks at her with eyes blazing, burning hotter than the flames on the walls.

_Would you hand me to the templars to be locked away?_

_You...that is…_ Words all mixed up but so much darkness pushing out. Feeds on the demons all around. _You’re an apostate. You’re a danger to everyone around you, if left unchecked you could become an abomination!_

 _Yes, because I need magic to kill._ Tone sweet but words so bitter, like mother’s tonics, as she steps away and pierces a mage warden’s heart.

 _Magic is…_ Cut off by the dragon’s roar, so much left to say but can’t speak now.

_There’s no time for this. The dragon is heading toward Gareth, we have to go. Now._

Soldiers unsure, too much quiet and awe, even demons scramble; though few are left.

_Secure the area. We’re going after the Inquisitor._

Racing to protect the Knight, never prepared for a dragon but he promised that Haven wouldn’t happen again. Rushes to reach him but still coming too late, can only watch as they fall into the swirl of green and the dragon flies away too.

Waiting and wondering, watching and wanting, wishes they knew what to do. Where did they go? But rest cannot come, the veil is thin and demons keep pulling through, need the Knight to close the tears. But not all is lost, wardens fight with them now and Bluebird is set free, no meaning in hiding again. How she pulls from the fade, music singing of what could be, and not just raining down against the enemy but uses it to heal friends too. Does all she can to stop those being called away by the Maker. Not as proficient but enough for some.

The Lion watches as he rallies the troops, can’t look away but doesn’t want to see either. So much confusion all tangled inside, and hurt that he doesn’t want help for. But the air crackles and splits with green again. Hands and feet reach through; the Warden, the Stone and Solas alive and whole. Then breathes holding, hope beating, where are the rest? But before the doubts creep in the Champion and the Prince appear, and the Knight too, with hand outstretched, palm shining as he pulls at the fade, closes the rifts and stops the demons.

It’s quiet, peaceful, only a moment, before cheers and shouts echo against the crumbling walls. Success.

_Inquisitor!_

_Gareth!_

_I can’t believe we’re out._

_Woof._

But the joy isn’t all there, an empty spot in their hearts, and the Stones sees what’s missing.

_Where’s Hawke?_

_Varric…_ Word choked out, how could he tell the Stone?

_Where is she? Why isn’t she with you?_

Questions linger, makes the air heavy with guilt. _Hawke sacrificed her life to save us._

 _She…_ Can’t believe the Hawk is gone, had been so happy she returned but now she won’t ever again. How could he lose her? Can’t stand to be here now.

The Knight won’t run though, honors her sacrifice, stands tall as she would want him to. _She gave her life not because she swore an oath or had been marked as special, but because someone had to do it. And now you must do the same. The remaining wardens will help the Inquisition however they can. Alistair believes that the wardens are worth saving and I trust him. You’re still vulnerable to Corypheus, and possible his Venatori, but there are plenty of demons that need killing._

 

\--

 

Sombre and tense, whispers all around. The tiny ball once squeezed so tight, now everyone knows. But head held high, always prepared for this to happen although had hoped it wouldn’t, and now no more pretending, should embrace it. So Bluebird walks the camp, seeing if others need a healing touch, mana drained but might still be enough for one or two.

 _So you are a mage. I am surprised that I had not suspected._ Solas finds her in the dimness, a pause before he walks the fade in dreams.

_I’ve had a lot of practice keeping that secret._

_And how does the Commander feel about such a secret._

_So much confusion doesn’t know what to think. Reminds him of times past but he knows it’s not._ Words spill enough though the Lion wouldn’t want them spoken, but he’s hurting and it might help if she knew.

_Thank you Cole. We would have a moment alone if you please._

_Okay._

_It matters not what he thinks._ Eyes clear, voice strong, won’t falter now even if the inside hurts. Had hoped he would see more than it but the shadows must be too much. _I am still here to help the Inquisition and Gareth still welcomes it._

_Good. I wanted to be sure that your intentions have not been changed by the man._

_I have never had my mind changed by a man and I intend no such in the future._

_Bold words but will they prove true? I suppose only time will tell._ Almost a smile, thoughts hidden and feelings unknown, accepts her news so easily. A nod and Solas takes leave to seek the whispers of the day gone.

 _Woof._ Kisses and hugs, always knows where she goes. Still has love in his heart, cares not that she had a secret.

_Hello, who’s a good boy?_

_Woof woof._

_He’ll be most sad to leave you._

_You’re not angry that I’m a mage then?_ Rises to meet his eyes, wonders what will be in them.

Head high and stands so strong. _Our favorite woman happens to be a mage._

_Woof._

_Yes._ A smile creeps in but an ache too, would that someone else felt the same. _An oddity for a former templar._

_Now, I was never a templar. How many times do I have to say this, I was trained as one but was recruited to the wardens before I took my final vows._

_I’m sorry. Not a templar._

_Good, don’t forget that._

_You will head to Weisshaupt soon?_ Question soft, knows the answer does not come easy, the task filled with challenges.

_Tomorrow. The rest of the wardens will remain here until they’re needed for whatever the Inquisition needs._

_Maker guide you then. It’s a long journey._

_I just hope I don’t run out of good cheese._ Jokes as he does but in his heart knows what is to come.

 _Woof, woof woof._ Doesn’t let himself be forgotten, deserves treats with no more warm and soft beds to be had.

_Yes, I’ll make sure to have enough druffalo jerky for you as well._

_It’s been well met warden Alistair._ Another voice for the conversation, joins to bid the Prince farewell.

_And you warden Blackwall. Alright, we need to finish preparing our pack and I need to find more jerky._

_Nnnn._ Sad eyes, a nudge against her hand, doesn’t want to leave another blue eyes.

 _I’ll miss you too Barkspawn. Take care of yourself and Alistair._ More hugs and whispers of goodbye, hopes it’s not forever. She likes having a furry friend, thinks about getting one someday.

Shapes disappear into the night and only two are left by a dimming fire, nothing but the wind around them; the camp quiet, all are desperate for rest. But silence lingers only a moment before words fill the air.

_Hello Blackwall, are you feeling alright? The fade must have been trying._

_It is not something I hope to repeat ever again._

_I’m glad that...almost everyone returned safely._

_It was a tragedy that Hawke did not return, but she died bravely and honorably._

Nods slowly but death is not something to be used to. _I wish she did not have to._

_We will not let her sacrifice be in vain._

_No, we will not._

Another stretch of silence but the Warden watches intently. _There was another matter I wished to speak to you about my lady._

_Yes?_

_I've heard talk from the men that you're a mage._

_And?_ Wonders what will come, wardens have mages and men with shaded pasts.

 _Good and evil are everywhere, and everyone has secrets. You've come to serve and you have done so faithfully._ Eyes kind, doesn’t look away or evade. _I only wished to say that I hope you will continue to aid the Inquisition._

A smile for him, feels there’s more meaning in his words, where does he come from? _Thank you Blackwall, I intend to remain until this is concluded._

_That is good to hear my lady._

_You can call me Madeleine. News will spread soon enough and my father will no doubt disown me so I have no titles to speak of._

_You’re owed respect and I would not deny you that even if your family does not wish to see it._

_Well, don't feel you must but if you prefer then I won't object._

_Good night my lady._

_Good night._

Another figure disappears into the dark and Bluebird is alone. Feels it more than she ever has, the Lion turned from her, a fool to have believed it could be different. Let herself believe in impossibilities, had been blinded by amber suns and a soothing voice. Wants to stop but the hurt on her heart can’t be erased so easily.

 

\--

 

Sleep won't come, doesn’t want to hear the fade calling. The Lion had thought the nightmares over but it was too much today. Demons and magic, just like Kinloch, why is he always drawn to it when his life had been about the opposite?

 _You’re hurting, why won’t you let me help you?_ Tent dark but he stares blankly at a patch of nothing on the ground.

Voice hoarse, so tired, and the pain behind his eyes could use a gentle touch. _T_ _his is not something you can fix Cole._

_Thoughts of her made you happy before, now they hurt. It’s because she’s a mage._

_I can’t explain this to you._ Head in his hands, can barely stop the tremble. _Please just go._

_Memories like yesterday, secrets again, and they bring nothing but pain._

_That’s enough. Just go._

_I’m sorry. But she’s not her and you’re not there anymore._

Breath pained, escapes and leaves him empty. _I know, but...please go._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And conflict. There will be more drama for Madeleine and Cullen, how will they deal with each other after this? I'm hoping that I'll be able to write what Cullen's is going through realistically. His whole hate-mages-to-loves-a-mage thing wasn't really explained in DA:I so I'm hoping I can.


	10. And Never to Rule Over Him

The journey home should be triumphant but the loss is too great for some. The Stone is burdened by a decade of memories and no more Hawk to make more. Can only hold onto them so tightly but it’s not enough, never enough to erase the pain. 

_ I’m sorry about Hawke. _ Bluebird so gentle, draws her horse near, looks at him with eyes so kind.

_ Ya, me too. _ Words so heavy with thought, wishes he did more.

_ Did she have family? _

_ Ya, I’ve had to write some letters. Fenris will not take this well. _

_ If it helps, talk about her. _

_ Maybe later. _

_ Alright.  _ Smiles sadly and reaches for him. Holds his hand and hopes he knows that she understands.

_ Thanks Princess. _

The Lion passes, tries not to glance but can’t help see her touch. Feels something but has no words for it or for her, still so many thoughts racing through his mind and the battle was too much. Too many demons, too much blood. The stench clinging to his skin, in memories, can’t wash away the nightmares.

 

\--

 

Night finds her without rest, lies in her tent still and silent. So many days past but barely a word with him, no more reason to keep believing it could be different, no more reason to hope. Will go on as strangers, erase from her memories soft words and gentle touches, it will have to be done.

_ Bluebird is still blue, but now it’s a different meaning than it should be. _

Never startles, always seems to know.  _ Hello Cole. _

_ You’re sad.  _ Sits by her side and she moves to give more space. _ I want to help. _

Sighs quietly, tries to hide it with a weak smile.  _ I know, but this isn’t something you can fix. _

_ That’s what he said too but it shouldn’t be like this.  _ Just the mention of the Lion makes her heart ache, squeezed so tight but still loud.

_ Some things are too complicated to be healed so easily. I appreciate what you’re trying to do but...there’s too much of the past. Who we are...it’s too different. _

_ Why does it have to be? You’re good and he is too, so you should be happy together. _

_ I don’t know how to explain this to you. The things that Cullen has been through...what I’ve heard of Kinloch and Kirkwall...he has a reason to hate mages. _

Confused and concentrating, tries to see what’s hidden but he’s very good at blocking it out.  _ I don’t understand, it’s simple. You didn’t hurt him, you saved him. He should be glad you helped. _

_ Nothing is ever simple Cole. Things are tied together, fixing one thing might break another. _

_ Helping can be bad?  _ Thoughts thought, memories remembered.  _ Oh, like when I helped one of the boys in the stable be happier. Some of the servants were angry. My help made work for them. _

_ Yes, like that. _

_ Should I stop? _

_ No Cole. Never stop helping. I just need time, I’ll be fine. _

Wants to believe the words Bluebird says, she wants to believe too but it’s still a lie. But it still helps her to pretend.  _ Okay. Good night. _

_ Thank you. Good night. _

 

\--

 

Whispers travel faster than horses. The Nightingale knows everything anyways, eyes and ears everywhere. But even the others know; the Hawk lost, the Prince and Champion gone, Bluebird more. Gossip spreads quickly in the barracks. Even the Sparrow can’t stop talking, pulls her into the tavern before she can lift her feet.

_ So you’re a mage?  _ Corners her up the stairs, leans in so close all Bluebird can see are freckles.

_ I am. _

Stares, but she doesn’t flinch.  _ Well at least you’re not waving your tool in people’s faces. _

_ There’s an image. _ The Serpent appears, more friends follow with drinks in hand. Almost a party to welcome her home.

_ Piss off Dorian.  _ Rude gestures, red shirt and yellow pants a flash as she pulls them to a table.  _ I like you, but do me a favor. Warn me if you are going to bust out in demons or something. _

_ Ha, how do you picture her busting out? She’ll be walking around and opps, demon?  _ Everyone sits, crowds around, chatters loudly.

_ Shut it. You warn me. And you better too Dorian. _

Still talking to her, warms her, better than shutting her out.  _ I promise to warn you. _

_ A’ight then. If you don’t I’ll put three arrows in your eye ya. _

_ That would be a sight. Get it? _

_ Keep drinking Bull. _

_ I’ll keep that in mind Sera. _

_ Good.  _ Smile bright, words light, pulls a bottle out of nowhere and pushes it into her hands. _ Here, drink this. _

_ Do I dare? _

_ You need it. I know ser stick-up-his-arse gots a stick up his arse about you. Saw the look on his face not looking at you. Piss on him then. Missing out on great tits. _

_ Ha! _

Words so silly Bluebird can’t help but laugh. Friends are good. Knows she’s not just a mage, sees her too. The Serpent is even pleased, so proud to be a mage, glad to share in it with her.

 

\--

 

Early morning brings with it a smiling face. Also bears with him gifts of food and drink, and conversation. Curious and wondering, but still looks her with the same eyes, forever her friend and excited to share in more.

_ I demand a duel soon. That’s the price for keeping a secret from me. _

_ A duel? _

Smiles like a cat that got the cream, even better than mice.  _ Yes. No worries, I promise to go easy on you but you can’t back out. I demand payment. _

_ Thank you.  _ Words simple but so much more meaning. So glad the Serpent didn’t turn away, push off all the memories of friendship.

_ No need for that. I know how Southerns are, although I don’t know how they could ever sneer at a man with such good hair. _

_ Not to mention impeccable fashion sense. _

_ Yes. How wonderful of you to acknowledge it. Although I had no doubt of your intelligence. Come, let’s see what you can do.  _ Hand out, expects Bluebird to reach for it.

Eyes unsure, told herself to embrace it but so many years of hiding can’t be shed so quickly. And even when she tells herself not to care, she doesn’t want the Lion to look at her and see monsters.

_ Well… _

But so much pretending, being half of what she is. So many years lost not knowing what she could be. Could never be happy with blind promises anyway.  _ Alright, let’s go. _

_ Fabulous. _

But only so many steps to take, the Iron Lady has words to give.  _ Hm, an apostate. _

_ Is there a problem Lady Vivienne?  _ Voice pleasant, learned to keep it so.

_ I shudder to imagine what kind of inferior education you received Lady Trevelyan. Your family did you a great disservice by hiding you from the Circle. You’re lucky you haven’t become an abomination, darling.  _ Words with points but knows how to twist them to seem like help.

_ Disservice?  _ But the Serpent can see through things. A snake ready to strike.  _ Yes, it would have been much better if she’d been locked away like a common criminal with no chance of escape. And let’s not forget your Southern templars and all the good they’ve done for mages. _

_ Yes, it’s much better for mages to be feared and despised as tyrants. _

_ I’m the first to admit magisters aren’t perfect, but they’ve also done great things. They’re allowed. _

_ Monstrous things as well, or you wouldn’t be here, would you?  _ Looks down at everyone around. Shoes tall, hat taller, likes to be the one above.

_ That’s enough.  _ Eyes to her, commands attention with her voice alone.  _ Yes, I was never trained in a circle but I have learned to wield my magic. I suppose that shows more talent than some. But all of that is irrelevant now.  _ Bluebird knows how to twist words too. Can use it like a weapon, so sharp and quick, wounds small but deep.  _ Mages, templars, both sides have fallen. There is no more circle and no more order, and we must all fight together to do what is right. Besides, the old ways cannot survive into the new world that we’re shaping now, Vivienne. The rebellion proved that there were too many cracks for it to be maintained and we must find a better way. Whatever that will look like, fear and chains will not be tolerated again. Even if there are those who would wish to elevate themselves by it. _

_ Yes, change is occurring and all who wish to survive must play by its rules. It seems that you are well prepared and skilled in the game.  _ Knows she cannot win, but can twist one more thing, makes it seem she’s generous.  _ I shall let you continue on your day darling, I have several letters to write. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of a filler chapter but I thought everyone would have some kind reaction to her secret. It took me a long time to think of the kind of response she could say to Vivienne and I hope it was a subtle but effective hit against her. Next chapter will further develop the drama between Madeleine and Cullen.


	11. The Mage and The Templar

Barely closed his eyes but rises earlier than the sun. A fortnight past and images of demons finally fading. Was missing the blue and surrounded by darkness, so much like Kinloch, how many days had he survived through? And then saved again in a shower of lightning, couldn’t stop the waves of memories. Felt so real and couldn’t push it away, weak without the blue. But now mind mellowing, making memories of the past passing. Yet, still can’t speak to her, words won’t come, nothing makes sense. Feelings tangled, can’t pull it loose without breaking others.

So the Lion prowls in the darkness, sword in hand, no time for rest. Reaches the edge of the training ground, weapon raised and ready. Doesn’t know it but punishes himself by punishing his body. Moves practiced, practical and precise. Skilled and sleek and deadly, a lion ready to pounce. Never allows himself to forget the forms forever ingrained in his mind, focuses on them for the thoughts to feel steady. Can almost escape the last echoes of memories he wishes could be erased but etched so deeply. And thoughts of Bluebird tease the edge of his mind, sometimes all he can see is her bathed in magic and he can’t help but shudder, but sometimes he thinks of her smiles although they still make him shake.

It’s like thoughts can bring her though, and Skyhold is too small when she’s around, can never get away even when he doesn’t know it’s her.  _ Who’s there? _

Footsteps crunch and she falls into view. Eyes hidden but he sees the way she grips her daggers so tightly.  _ I didn’t mean to disturb you Commander. _

_ Ma...Lady Trevelyan.  _ Almost stumbles into something familiar but doesn’t allow himself to fall.

She’s well practiced too, knows how to keep the words far away so they can’t touch her.  _ I’ll leave you to your practice. Good day. _

_ I… _ Interrupted, yet again. Wonders if the Maker mocks him, makes him mad and tests his patience. 

_ Commander! Templars approaching.  _ Rushed and ragged, the soldier running as fast as she can.

_ Where? How many? _

_ Half a dozen. They’ve just come into view from the last bend in the path. _

_ Why were there no reports about this? Did the base camp not send word? _

The Nightingale walks so quietly, like shadows in the night.  _ They’ve arrived earlier than I expected. _

_ You knew about this Leliana? _

_ I had reports from my scouts. You might know who it is Madeleine.  _ Pointed look that speaks so much, tells all the secrets to Bluebird without a sound.

_ Probably Garrion and Edward. They tend to withstand my pouting better.  _ Words spoken with a smile but eyes sombre. Knew the moment would come, had prepared what she would say but now doesn’t know how she’ll say them.

 

\--

 

Horses barely stopped before they spot her and rush forward. Even forgets that the Knight is there too. The Lion doesn’t know it but he grips his sword tighter, would fight them if they forced her away.

_ Madeleine Beatrix Trevelyan, you’re to return home with us immediately. Father has requested your presence.  _ Voice solemn, so much weight behind them. Could crush her if Bluebird didn’t know how to hold them.

_ I’m not going Rion. _

_ You’re joking.  _ This one brighter but just as serious. _ Have you any idea the rumors about you? _

_ There are no rumors Edward. _

_ Have you not heard? You’re being called a mage and that is… _

_ I am.  _ Eyes unwavering as the flame appears in her hand, but lasts only a moment before the templars smite her. Would have lost her breath and made her knees weak if she had no practice going without.

_ How… _

_ Please tell father that I have joined the Inquisition, permanently.  _ Stands tall, her head held high. So steady that she can almost believe it doesn’t hurt to say goodbye.  _ I won’t be returning to Ostwick again. I understand the position I have put the family in and I shall rectify the situation as much as I can by staying far away and disassociating myself from the Trevelyan name. _

_ No, that cannot be allowed.  _ Steps closer, can almost reach out and grab her.  _ You will leave with us and go to your proper place in the circle. We will watch over you and ensure that… _

The Knight would speak but the Nightingale stops him. Some secret smile on her lips as sharp eyes glitter in the light of the rising sun.

_ If you’re concerned about Lady Trevelyan’s safety, there is no better place for her to be in all of Thedas. The templars here would gladly watch over her.  _ Words spoken by him yet the Lion is startled by them. Even more so to find himself shielding her with his form. When had he moved so close?

_ I know you, Knight-captain. You of all people should know the dangers of magic. _

_ I’m no longer a templar. _

_ Knight-captain Garrion, the commander makes a valid point and while I understand the Bann’s concerns regarding the matter, the Inquisition is in its critical moments.  _ Golden, shines in the light, the Admiral always trying to sooth.  _ In order to move forward and for Corypheus to be brought down, the Inquisitor will need all the assistance possible and Lady Trevelyan has been an important ally. _

_ Ambassador, the army of the Inquisition can do without our sister. If assistance is needed, our father will be happy to supply you with soldiers.  _ Reaches for Bluebird again but the Lion still stands guard and they look at him with hard eyes filled with promise to draw their swords.

Only she would not let them, would not watch points take him and be hurt again because of her even though his silence hurts her. She steps around but so close he can feel her heat, the brush of her arm against his and all he can remember is her palm on his chest when he stole a kiss.

But the memory fades in a flash, birds are too quick to be held for long. Bluebird with hand outstretched as if willing to go one moment, in the next the fade moves as she wills and the templars fall back before they can mute her. And so quickly, daggers drawn as she leaps toward their throats.

_ I love you both, I hope you know that.  _ She kneels between them, the blades pressed against their skin. The others with time to find themselves again, point their swords at her but dare not move closer.  _ But I will not return with you to be locked away like a prisoner. _

_ You’re making a mistake Madeleine. You don’t know the dangers… _

_ I know more about the dangers of being a mage than you think Rion, more than you’ll ever know!  _ Blue like a storm, fierce and focused. _ Be sure that I’ve taken measures to ensure the safety of others should I become an abomination, but I have no intention of that, ever. _

_ You can’t know that you won’t be a risk... _

_ Life is a risk, but I need to live it and not be hidden away somewhere.  _ No more than a whisper but her voice so strong.  _ I am staying with the Inquisition and if you two can’t accept that fact, I will fight you to my last breath. And all your templar tricks are useless so just admit defeat already. _

Silence and waiting, seconds stretch like minutes or hours. Fighting a battle with only looks and unspoken words, torn between family and a sworn oath but a dead mage helps no one.

_ Andraste preserve you. If you become an abomination, we will do our duty. _

_ I know, and I would welcome it. _

 

\--

 

Horses disappear down the mountain path, gone as quickly as they came. Bluebird wanders the battlements, watches that life slip away. Thoughts far away, feelings numb, tries to let go. Doesn’t notice the Lion watches her from his tower. Mind still clouded, tangled inside but can remember more than just the demons now.

Need to rest though, so many reports still to read but can’t see the words when he didn’t sleep. Tells himself only for a few minutes as he climbs the ladder and strips his armor. But sleep seems harder to find when he needs it, tosses and turns, and flips his pillow. And there he finds the square of silk he’d forgotten about. Soft cream stained with his blood, she gave no thought when she tied it around his injured hand, so gentle and full of care. If he brought it closer he would smell her scent still lingering between the threads and the fade pulls him to it, urges the Lion to lift the handkerchief to his lips and dream of her.


	12. When the Demons Fade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an update after so long! I think there will only be a couple more chapters left but hopefully it'll be enough to wrap things up nicely.

He dreams of Kinloch, knows it by the feel of the stones beneath his feet, doesn’t need to see the demons to know he is trapped. But instead of her, Bluebird comes and sets him free, and he welcomes it. So he wakes with thoughts of birds swimming around his head and the silk still clutched in his hand, and the pain behind his eyes glows dimmer than they usually are. Almost feels light enough to leave his tower, so steps steadily down the ladder, slowly saunters across the floor but stops still when he spies her through the window on the battlements. Standing like she had been so long ago when the words she said spoke for him too.

 _Here Princess. The Kid got this for you._ The Lion watches as the Stone climbs, a bundle in his arms so small and fragile. _He said you were sad and he wanted to give you a present._

 _Oh, Cole!_ Barely a breath and hands shaking as she reaches for it, tiny face watching her. _Where is he?_

_Don’t know. You know how the Kid gets, just popped up in my room and dropped this little guy off then disappeared again. I’m sure he’ll show up later. So, how did he do?_

_Wonderful._

_Good. Kid said something about fighting a rat for it._

_A rat?_ Bluebird smiles and it could light the sky, makes the Lion question how he ever looked at her and saw shadows. _Well, he’s perfect...hello, what should we name you?_

 _Nn._ Small wet nose wiggles as Friend squirms in his blanket.

 _I think the little guy’s got a hurt leg. Haven’t been around many Mabaris but Hawke had one and it used to lick at wounds like that._ Voice steady but the Stone still gets a look in his eyes when he talks about the Hawk.

 _Let’s look at his leg then. He’s probably hungry too._ Bluebird sinks to the ground, no thought to the dirt or cold, eyes focused as her fingers flutter then a stream of blue the Lion recognizes well. And so focused on watching her that he doesn’t know he didn’t shudder. _Healed, he should be fine after some food and rest._

Friend grins, so safe at last, wants to wrap himself in dawn lotus, snow, and oranges forever. _Arf._

Silver bells sound, even the Stone laughs when Friend tries to climb down Bluebird’s dress. The Lion can’t help but smile too.

_Andraste’s blushing butt cheeks, spying are we?_

_Knew there was a creeper hiding under that whatever it is._

_Dorian, Sera. How did you two…_ Tries to step back but only mages could step through walls.

 _Well, when your office has three doors and you don’t bother locking any of them it’s rather easy to break in. Although Sera was so looking forward to picking your lock._ The Serpent twirls his moustache and takes the Lion’s seat. The Sparrow doesn’t bother with seats just perches on his desk and squishes his papers.

 _Was there something you needed?_ Gathers himself like he hadn’t been looking at Bluebird secretly. _I have reports to read._

_Sure ya do. Reports on how to get into Madeleine’s knickers?_

Laughter so full it echos in the Lion’s tower and he worries that she’ll hear them. _That, you...get out both of you._

 _Ser-stick-up-his-arse got bees or something. Hmm...bees._ Plans buzzing, ideas swarming, the Sparrow can’t wait to try a new thing.

The Serpent has no plans to go though, can sit all day if he wants to. _Why are you still here?_

_Why are you still avoiding Madeleine like the blight._

_I’m not. There are a lot of assignments to oversee since the Inquisitor recruited the remaining wardens._ Hand on the pommel, stands so stiff and still.

_You’re sinfully handsome but a terrible liar. I’m well aware that you were less than pleased our Princess is a mage, quite a powerful one too. I’m a bit disappointed I missed the show from what some of your soldiers have been describing._

_Really Dorian, I have a lot of work to do._ Tries to shoo the Serpent away but he won’t leave the Lion’s chair so easily.

_No, I’m not leaving until you talk to me. And be honest or I will set your desk on fire._

_You can’t be serious._

Edges closer to the wood, a tiny flame in his palm just for a moment. _Do you want to test me?_

 _You...fine. But there’s really nothing to talk about._ Makes a show of moving papers, maybe if he looks busy the Serpent will leave him be.

_Oh please. You two were almost joined at the hip before Adamant, but since you’ve returned you’ve barely spoken two words to each other._

_We were not._

_Look Cullen, I know you have a thing about mages._ Steps closer, stares the Lion in the eyes. _I’ve heard about the Ferelden circle and Kirkwall. But you can’t possibly think Madeleine would be tempted by demons or turn to blood magic._

 _No._ States it without hesitation, didn’t realize he really believes that until he has to say it but the memories have cleared enough that he can see the truth. Still, sighs so deep, the pain behind his eyes prodding again. How long can he really push it away? Trying to hide the hurt is like herding cats. _It...it wasn’t really about her. Adamant, it was too much like being back at Kinloch. After all these years I thought I’d forgotten but…_

_There are some things you can never forget but don’t push her away. She tries not to show it but I can see the hurt in her eyes._

_I don’t know…_ Lost and alone, a lion without a pride.

 _Try Cullen. I care for both of you and hate to see you miserable._ A touch on the Lion’s shoulder and a grin on the Serpent’s lips. _Besides, worrying about the two of you has been doing very bad things to my complexion and you wouldn’t want that._


	13. In Her Heart Shall Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little chapter focusing on Madeleine. I feel like I had several bits on how Cullen was dealing with the whole thing but hadn't discussed what she might be feeling.

Tiny ball of heat on her heart, holds it close and stares into the dark. Tells herself she understands why he stays away but still misses being able to look into amber pools. Tells herself that she’s fine, that she doesn’t hurt, but it’s still there. Runs deeper than they know, sharper than she admits to herself. Wonders how she was such a fool to believe in something, did she become lost in golden eyes and the scar on his lip? Yet goaded by guilt of pretending he’s not more, more than the scars of his past and the order he gave his life to. Remembers the words spoken between them and how they touched both their souls. Can’t forget how he shielded her when they came for her either. So much confusion clouding her mind, makes sleep hard to come by.

 _My Maker, know my heart; take from me a life of sorrow. Lift me from a world of pain. Judge me worth of Your endless pride._ Whispers into the night, even without hope that He will hear, but still prays for Him to sooth her.

 _Nnn._ Tiny ball of heat buries closer, tiny lick on her chin.

Gentle kiss on his head, soft fur tickles her nose. _I’m fine._

 

\--

 

 _Good morning._ Voice soft in her ear, arm solid around her.

_It’s too early, go back to bed._

Feels his laugh ripple through her rather than hears it. _It’s almost midday my love._

 _You’re not serious._ Blue seas meet amber suns. She could stay like this forever.

A brush of his lips across hers, warm and tempting. _I am. We need to get dressed, they’ll be waiting for us._

 _Not yet._ Takes in her fill, etches his face further into her memories. _Let me pretend just for a while longer._

 _What are you talking about?_ Another kiss, the weight of him so real.

Sad smile slides onto her lips. _You’re nothing more than a demon’s trick._ Her hand against his cheek, can already feel him fading. _I know you’re not really here Cullen._

 _I could be…_ Words disappear just like him. The dream around her twists and she is left in a field of nothing.

 _You’ve spoiled it._ Its voice so sickly sweet, almost stills the thoughts about the fangs in its mouth. _That was what your heart desires isn’t it?_ Moves closer and gestures to the distance, the Lion stands proud and shining. _Stay here and you could be with the man you want forever and he will never reject you._

_You’re a demon._

_I am Rapture and I only want to offer what you deserve dear Madeleine._ Her name sticky on its lips. _You’ve left your whole life behind for the Inquisition, for the Commander. If it wasn’t for you trying to save him, no one would know your secret. Surely you deserve to have him care for you in return._

But Bluebird is not a fragile thing. _I won’t be tempted by you._

 _Do you no longer care for him?_ It doesn’t want to give up, always looking for the secrets. _Is there another that you desire?_

_I care for him, nothing has changed. But what you offer is a lie._

_How is it a lie? Did you not feel his breath or the warmth of his embrace? They are the same here as they would be outside the fade._

_It will never be the same. Besides, the price you ask for this charade is not one I would ever pay._ Stands tall, eyes filled with storms.

_We could both have what we want. Just think how happy you would be._

The Lion before her, reaches for her to hold to his heart. _I love you Madeleine._

 _No._ Quicker than a bird, flames in her hands hotter than her hurt. Burns away the Lion that’s not really there and licks at the demon’s feet.

_You’re making a terrible mistake._

_You made the mistake thinking you could manipulate me._ Columns of fire rain from the sky. Magic sings and echoes in the air. Doesn’t allow it to escape, to have the chance to tempt another.

 

\--

 

 _You were fighting demons again._ Finds her on the rooftop, climbed through the Sparrow’s window.

Bluebird never startles though. _Hello Cole._

_They know where you are now. You’re using magic so they can hear you._

_I know. But don’t worry, they won’t trick me._

_I’m not worried, demons should be afraid of you. But they come because they know you’re hurting._ Peers at her from beneath the hat. _I can make you forget._

Soft smile and reaches across. _Thank you but I don’t want to forget Cole._

_Even though remembering it makes you sad?_

_It’s how I know I’m alive, that this is real. Besides, if I forgot I’d forget the good things too._

Thinks of the Lion and Bluebird, so much between them yet too much between them. _I want to help. Cullen doesn’t want help either._

 _You did help, you gave me pup._ Brighter when she thinks of him, so much bubbling inside. _I still need to think of a name for him though._

 _Friend doesn’t care about names. He’s just happy he has you._ So much love inside, can hear his whole body hum with it. _You fixed his leg and made his stomach stop hurting, and he likes hugs._

 _I’m happy I have him too. And I’m really fine._ Turns her eyes to the sky; maybe she can soak up the sun and be bright again. _The commander and I can be civil with each other and work together for the Inquisition, that was always my intention anyway._ But still a little hope inside, waiting silently for the Lion to see her again.


	14. A Lion and A Bird

_Keep your shield up!_

_Arf, arf arf._ Barks at the soldiers like the Lion but stands no bigger than his boot.

Tries to stay stern but can’t help but smile. _Hello._ The Lion always wanted a furry friend too, how could a Ferelden not.

_Friend likes to help._

Not such a surprise now, almost expects it. _Hello Cole._

_Hello._

_Is his name Friend?_

_No, he doesn’t have a name yet but he’s her friend._

Something soft in his eyes, like honey on bread. _He’s very young._ Reaches down, wants to give Friend a scratch behind the ear.

 _Arf. Arf, arf. Grr...nn, nnn._ Backs away then forward again, circles around the Lion and stumbles on his own feet.

 _Friend is mad because you make Bluebird sad._ Hops down from the fence, Friend sitting beside. _But he feels sorry for you too because you’re also sad._

Looks so intently but no words to say, so many thoughts crowding together. Mind filling with birds only to be scattered by the yells of soldiers. _Your shield! If this man were your enemy you’d be dead._

 

\--

 

_Where are you pup?_

Still thinking about his meeting with Friend when he hears Bluebird calling. So close that if he could reach through walls he could touch her.

_Arf._

Startles this time and searches for the sound. _How did you get in here?_

 _Grrr._ Tiny wet nose under the bookcase, tiny little growl.

_Come out._

_Arf._

A knock so soft he almost doesn’t hear it, one-two-three, stretches of silence before it sounds again. _Commander?_

Feet leads him to the door before he can think of it. Doesn’t know it but holds his breath as it opens. _Lady Trevelyan._

_Commander._

_Um…_ Words heavier than stones. Had things to say but it’s all weighed down, even forgets to speak of Friend.

 _Arf!_ Only he doesn’t let himself be forgotten. So happy to see Bluebird that he wants to fly to her.

_Ah...yes, you were looking for him. I didn’t realize he was in here._

_He keeps getting out._ Holds Friend close and peers at the Lion from below her lashes. _I asked Master Dennet about a collar but he’s too small._

 _It’s alright. I, umm, I like dogs._ Tries to smile at her but feels himself frozen like the first time he saw her eyes.

_Grr._

_Although he doesn’t seem to like me._

_Be nice pup._ Bluebird looks at him, seas pulling at him. When was the last time they were so close? _I’m sorry, he needs training._

 _There’s no need to apologize. I…_ Finally finds the words to speak but now can’t find the time. The Maker against him, forces him to keep it all inside.

_Commander, a report from Knight-captain Rylen._

_I should leave. I’m sorry he bothered you._

 

\--

 

 _Maker, though the darkness is upon me, I shall embrace the Light. I shall weather the storm. I shall endure. What You have created, no one can tear asunder._ Kneels in darkness before the Maker and speaks the words she had heard him say what seems so long ago. _Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the Maker be my guide. I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the beyond. For there is no darkness in the Maker’s Light. And nothing that He has wrought shall be lost._

Voice fades and only silence greets her. No answers to calm the storm in her heart, no guides for her to find them either. So lost in her thoughts that she hears him not, not until the Lion speaks.

_I didn’t mean to intrude._

_It’s alright._ Rises and falters, so unsure of herself, a bird afraid to fly. _It’s late...I should return to my room._

 _Wait…_ The weight of his hand on her shoulder makes her stumble, feels his heat through her cloak. So startled by his touch that she doesn't know he shakes from it. _Please don’t go._

Pools of sun in the candlelight, looking too much might blind her. _Commander..._

_If I could have a moment of your time. Please._

_...alright..._

_I...you...if there...this sounded much better in my head._

_There’s no need to force a conversation Commander._ Tells him there’s no need to speak but doesn’t realize she holds her breath waiting to hear his words.

_I’ve never been very good with words but there are things I need to tell you, if you would hear me out._

Now words heavy on her tongue but the dip of her head is enough for the Lion.

 _What happened in Adamant...what I said, I’m sorry._ Eyes that can’t look away, tries to imprint the image of her.

But Bluebird dares not hope his words mean more than what they say. _It was...a difficult situation. If that was all…_

 _No!_ Steps closer, doesn’t want Bluebird to slip away. _I...I’ve never told anyone what truly happened in Kinloch. I know you’ve heard the stories but what happened to me when I was trapped…_

 _You don’t have to…_ Can barely see his face in shadows yet sees him so clearly and sees his pain. Wishes she could hold him close and take it away. Would he run from it?

_I want to, I need you to know._

Beckons him to sit and pretends her heart doesn’t jump when he sits so close their hands touch. _I’m willing to listen then._

 _Where do I start?_ Reaches for her hand but never takes his eyes off her, and Bluebird can only hold to him. And hope sings so loudly in her ear she almost can’t hear him. _You asked me once if I knew the Hero of Ferelden...she was one of my charges. Gwen was a brilliant apprentice, kind towards everyone, even templars, and very pretty. And I confess there was some youthful infatuation on my part._

_Were you two…_

_No. Even if she had felt the same it would have been inappropriate given our positions. But the feelings lingered even after she joined the wardens. When I became trapped in Kinloch…_ The wound carved so deeply, the chains wound so tightly. To speak of them for the first time, could only allow Bluebird to hear it. _Demons played with my mind and used those feelings against me. They tormented me with images of a life I would never have and then perverted them, turned us into monsters who mutilated each other. That day in Adamant, all those demons and all that blood magic. Then you even appeared in a shower of lightning just like she had all those years ago and I…it was too much like being back there._

_You’ve seen the worst mages have to offer, so how could you not see that in me._

_I don’t._ So sure of himself, a Lion so fearless, makes her believe it too. _I know I’ve caused you reason to doubt but whatever I fear of magic, I see none of that in you Madeleine._

The sound of her name on his lips, a sound she thought was gone forever, makes her remember all the words and glances between them. _Cullen..._

 _This war, when it started I hadn’t considered much beyond our survival but things are different now. I find myself wondering what will happen after...when this is over I won’t want to move on, not from you._ His hand traces her cheek, wants to hold on forever. How did he ever stay away? _I don’t know what you...if after all this you could still…_

 _I could._ Her hand on his heart, feels the beat beneath her palm. Holds the feelings steadily there. _I care about you Cullen._

The scar on his lip pulls as the Lion smiles, never felt so happy and filled with light. Thought the marks made him and the chains would never break but Bluebird came and set him free. _You are...I’ve never felt anything like this._

Drowning in amber suns and she wants to sink deeper. Pulls him closer as he pull her, until her vision is full of him and she brushes her lips against his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the rekindling of their relationship felt real and satisfying. And that I was able to write something that explains more about what Cullen experienced in Kinloch that messed him up so bad.
> 
> There is one more chapter left just to wrap up some stuff and the story will end with the end of the main game. There might be a short bit for the end of Trespasser but I'll see.


	15. The Dawn Comes

No signs of the Knight in the temple, could only begin the return to Skyhold. Although the Lion didn’t like the idea, thought Bluebird needed more rest. A day passed yet can still see the red on her shoulder with its black tendrils and how she fell. Guilt inside, gnawing and growing, it was because of him. So busy protecting him from the daggers of ice, no time to dodge the poisoned arrow herself. Thanks the Maker for the Nightingale and her little vial, stopped the black and gave her time to be healed.

Worrying and wandering, finds himself walking to her. Wants to see her again and make sure she’s safe and sound.

 _I came to s...Maker’s breath, I didn’t mean to intrude._ So eager, forgets to ask if he can enter, doesn’t mean to peek and see her like that.

 _It’s alright Cullen._ Voice soft, not angry at all, more amusement. _Would you help me? Wrapping bandages with only one hand is proving to be tricky._

Face red, can’t look toward her. _Why didn’t you fetch the healer?_

_He has enough wounded to tend to._

_I don’t...you are…_ Tied and twisted, the words won’t come out.

_I can’t very well change the dressings with my shirt on. Please Cullen, it’s just a back and I doubt you’ve never seen one before._

_That’s not the point._ Grows redder, hot under his collar but looks at her face and her eyes asking and can’t say no. _Alright._

 _Thank you._ Smiles so bright that he has to smile too.

But smile fade as he steps closer and sees the pale lines glowing in candlelight. _Your back...those markings._

 _I forget they’re there sometimes._ Fingers dance across where she can reach. Knows their path, can trace them even over the band across her back..

The Lion almost touches. _What is it?_

 _An ancient spell, a glyph burned into my skin with lyrium and powerful magic._ Tells him so simply, sounds like speaking a greeting but so much weight it carries. _I told you before that I know the dangers of magic and that I’ve taken precautions, this is it. If I ever become an abomination this will activate and kill me._

_How...where did you get this?_

_I met an old witch in the forest many years ago, when I was not more than a child._ Looks at him across her shoulder, still in wonder as she places his hand against her. _I’ve recently learned she might be Morrigan’s mother._

_You met Flemeth and she did this._

_She said she came to me because she knew I needed help and gave me this mark._ Never let anyone see before, only mother knew. _Does it bother you?_

Questions running in his head, wonders if it hurts, but would never turn from her again. _No. You are incredible._

 _Cautious._ Light again and still likes to tease. _And also getting cold while I wait for a new bandage._

 _I’m sorry, here._ Fingers practiced and precise, wraps the cloth around her shoulder and wraps his cloak around her.

_Thank you Cullen._

_For you, anything._ Speaks the words and means them with all his heart. Bluebird is more than honor and more than duty, she is everything.

 

\--

 

 _My scouts report that the Inquisitor is returning soon._ The Nightingale brings with it whispers and drink.

But the Lion is still worried, no stomach to touch the cup. _Was it wise of him to trust the voices? We still don’t know about the consequences of drinking from that well._

 _It was his decision. We can only continue to trust him._ The Seeker, faith so strong, never stops believing in the Knight.

 _I’m sure Gareth will be fine._ Grips the Lion’s hand and smiles so gently. Doesn’t make him forget but Bluebird helps enough.

_You’re no fun. No one wants to hear you talk about all that shit, they’re here to drink their faces off ya. So shut it or piss off._

_Sera does have a point you know._ The Serpent so sleek, slides through the crowds and settles down. _No need to ruin the night while there’s wine to be drunk. Better yet, why don’t we play a game of Wicked Grace? Varric told me some very entertaining stories that I’d like to witness myself._

_No. Once is enough for me._

_Ser-stick-up-his-arse, thought you’d be less stuck up now that you’re getting into Madeleine’s knickers._

_That is...this conversation is over._ Face red but still tries to look stern. Stands tall before the Lion stalks away.

_You know Cullen hates it when you tease him._

_Awww, you two are so sweet it makes my teeth hurt._

_Or it could be that Southern hygiene leaves something to be desired._

_Well, you two have fun._ Doesn’t wait for them to protest, grabs a cup and slips away.

 

\--

 

Finds him in her room just as she knew she would, so many nights and so many words, knows him better than anyone. And glad he can be away from his tower surrounded by reports. _I brought you a drink._

 _Thank you._ Reaches toward Bluebird but not for the cup. Just wants to hold her hands. _I’m sorry about Sera, she…_

 _There’s no need to worry._ Smiles so bright and light dances in her eyes. _I know not to take her seriously, at least not when she’s trying to annoy you._

_She gets entirely too much pleasure out of it._

_You’re always so serious so she likes making you flustered._

Sighs deep and sinks down into the seat. _I shouldn’t let her get to me but the things that come out of her mouth, Maker._ Thoughts of the Sparrow’s words makes him think about Bluebird too, tempting and leaves him wanting but unsure. _And I’m not...I mean you are and I think...Andraste preserve me..._

 _Cullen._ Silences him with a kiss, a small mercy for a stumbling lion.

 _Arf._ But Friend also wants to help, breaks the moment with a pounce. A month gone by and twice the size, can almost knock the Lion to his side.

_Go back to sleep Pup._

_At least he likes me now._ Settles him back on the bed and lets her pull him to stay and rest. But now Friend wants to run and jump and Bluebird can only let him out to play.

Then once again curls against the Lion’s side, almost looks fragile in the candlelight. _I guess it’s almost time then._ Need not speak the words for them both to know the meaning.

_We will still need to determine Corypheus’s location. We dealt him a heavy blow at the Temple of Mythal, his army is decimated and his followers are scattered, but we still don’t know where he has disappeared to._

_We’ll find him somehow and put an end to all this._

_When the time comes...promise me you’ll stay safe._ Hand against her cheek, stares into deep blue seas.

 _And you._ Smiles but lost inside, reminds her there’s nothing left outside. _A part of me doesn’t want this to end, I don’t know what I’ll do after._

Holds her so close, voice soft in her ear. _Stay with me. I told you before that when this is over I won’t want to move on from you and I meant it._

 _Cullen._ So much inside that she doesn’t know how to say it can only press her lips to his and cling to him. And even that doesn’t feel close enough through all the layers and the armor he still wears. Nimble fingers dance around, finding all the places that hold the pieces together.

 _You don’t have to._ Words unsaid, doesn’t want her to think he expects it but heart wanting. Would want to be together forever.

_I know but I want to._

_Are you sure?_

_Do you need to ask?_

_I suppose not..._

 

\--

 

Skyhold shakes and the sky splits open again. So many voices calling so loudly, so much fear and pain.

 _You can’t go Madeleine, it’s too dangerous._ Pushes through the rush of bodies, almost can’t keep up with a bird who knows how to dance around everyone. _And after what happened at the Temple of Mythal..._

 _I have to Cullen._ Hands against his cheeks, his stubble against her palms. Wants to soak in the feeling.

_At least wait for the soldiers to…_

_There’s no time. Corypheus is at the Temple of Sacred Ashes and we have agents there. If we don’t hurry who knows what might happen and you know I can’t sit by while everyone else is risking their lives._

The Knight already by the gate as the horses come one by one.

_I want to come with you._

_But you can’t. They still need you here for prepare the soldiers._

_I know. Promise me you’ll come back._

_Cullen if I don’t…_

_No._ Pulls her so close and holds her so tight. _The thought of losing you, I can’t._

_I’ll come back to you._

 

\--

 

Can’t stop pacing, eager for news. And keeps wondering if he should have sent more soldiers but so little time to plan. Doesn’t know that they wouldn’t have helped since Bluebird flew into the air. Even as the sky dims and the tear heals can only hold his breath, prays to the Maker she’ll return alive.

Hours pass, feels like days, until the sun rests and the night arrives. But finally sees torches in the distance winding up the mountain path. The Knight leads the weary bodies, drifts in one by one, yet the Lion only has eyes for her. Doesn’t care about decorum or gossip, can only charge down the steps and pull her into his arms.

 _Thank the Maker._ Healed and heartened, undone and unbound, can finally be whole again. _You came back._

Body battered and bruised but heart so full, can’t believe it’s really over. _Of course I did, I promised you Cullen._

Eyes so blue that he’s drowning in them. Only now knowing how far he’s been sinking. _I love you._

Almost worries she’s dreaming again but those never felt so solid. Her own joy bubbling beneath, barely buried, can only rush out and she can’t stop the smile. She doesn’t want to. _I love you too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrapped up the last two main quests in this chapter. No idea how the time passage was. There was a blog post about how it would take almost a month to travel from Haven to Skyhold but when playing the game it seems like it was a few hours of travel time so that's what I went with. Also, about the glyph on her skin, inspired by Fenris. I figured if it's possible for his markings to give him magic-like powers why couldn't that be done with markings that would be the equivalent of the spell glyphs. Also I kind of like the idea that Flemeth had her hand in all the pots.
> 
> One more chapter left. I thought this would be the end but I decided I'll write an epilogue just to see where Madeleine and Cullen end up after all the fighting is over.


	16. Epilogue

_There you are._

_Were you waiting for me?_ Friend on her heel brings the Lion his forgotten meal.

_Yes, I mean no._

_Should I come back then?_

_No. Let me start over._ Two years passed and still so tied, words always twist when it’s Bluebird. _An Exalted Council has been called; I was hoping you would accompany me._

_You want me to go with you?_

_Yes._ Takes the tray from her and pushes it aside, would like to hold her hands and ask her. _Its politics and Josephine will do most of the talking but I must go, and I don’t want to be without you._

Golden suns and warm honey, wraps her so tightly. _When you put it like that how can I say no?_

 _Nnnn._ Can’t be forgotten, always sticks close. Already grown, could stand as tall as her but still tiny inside.

_You will accompany us as well of course._

_Woof._

 

\--

 

_The Inquisition is no more then._

_It’s been decided that we will disband. What’s happened this past week…_

_I know._ Fingers nimble, pulls the Lion out of his armor and sets him to rest. _I can’t believe Solas was behind all of it and Gareth, will he be alright? I haven’t been able to see him since he chased Viddasala through the eluvian but I heard about his arm._

 _The mark is gone and he’s no longer in danger of it spreading. And whatever Solas did to remove his arm the wound was already healed._ Takes the cup she offers, urges Bluebird to sit too. _Still, he will need to adjust to the loss._

Speaks of the Knight but she knows he speaks of himself too. _Perhaps Dagna could craft something for him. We should send her a raven._

_We’ll speak to him tomorrow._

_What about you?_ Asks now, wonders where he would go. _What do you plan to do now that you no longer have an army to command?_

 _I wondered if you would return to Ferelden with me._ Whispers the words, almost afraid to say them out loud in case she doesn’t feel the same. Knows she loves him but worries he asks too much for a man without a title even though she doesn’t care. Sometimes still thinks he’s not enough.

 _With you? I’d go anywhere._ Means it more than anything, hopes he knows she sees only him.

Silent and still, thoughts simmering. Wants it to be perfect but can’t keep it inside. _Marry me._

_What?_

_I mean, will you… I had a plan, but it doesn’t matter._ Wonders if he’ll scare her, never spoke of it before but he has no doubts, never been so sure of anything. _I’ve thought of little else, and I don’t need a plan. Only to know if you would…_

 _I would._ Smiles so bright, could rival the sun and the Lion would happily blind himself in it. _Of course I’ll marry you Cullen._

 

\--

 

Cullen and Madeleine married in a small ceremony in the gardens of the Winter Palace surrounded by close friends. Even Cassandra, Divine Victoria, postponed her return to the Grand Cathedral to attend the wedding.

With the Inquisition disbanded and Cullen retired from active service, he and Madeleine returned to Ferelden, establishing a sanctuary for former templars on land Divine Victoria granted to them. With their help, many templars shed their lyrium addiction and those whose minds were too far gone spent their last days in comfort. And they promised that, should their friends from the old Inquisition ever need them, their blades would be ready.

That is, after a long-overdue visit to Cullen's siblings, who were overjoyed to meet their new sister-in-law.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter to wrap things up and incorporate some parts of Trespasser. While this story is finished I do have plans to write some one-shots so check back in the future.


End file.
